As always with Friday Fluff, this is just one blog with a grown woman answering questions written by a weird teen. These questions come from here, and there’s a linkup at the bottom to Lisa over at Seeking Elevation. Oh look. I just put one up top, too. Because that’s how I roll. Now let’s get this hoss moving.
Have you ever flirted with your best friend’s bf/gf?
I don’t flirt with myself. Too weird. And yes, I’m married to my best friend. And I’m his girlfriend, too.
Do you think that you’re all that and your probably really not?
If I thought I was all that, would I really notice that I wasn’t?
Have you gotten beat up before. Tell the truth.
No. But I’d love to put a beat down on your ass.
Are you smart or are you dumb?
If you’re a girl, do you scratch your boobs when nobody’s looking?
Clearly, you are a guy. Boobs don’t itch the way balls do. Women don’t get overcome with the need to just clutch our bosoms and dig around to get rid of that scratchy feeling. Just because breasts and balls both are danglies, that does not mean they serve the same function or behave in the same manner when confined.
Have you ever wanted to have sex with your own gender?
You can get fucked because of your gender, but I never knew of anyone ever who could fuck a gender, their own or anyone else’s.
Are you liking this survey so far?
Ask me in a couple of beers. Oops’s survey’s over. Still got plenty of beer. I guess you’ll never get your answer now.
Do you have alot of friends or are you nobody at school?
Go visit Allie Bosh at Hyperbole and a Half. NOW. If you survive the attack of her alot, come back for my answer.
What? You’re still living? You must be too stringy to eat or something.
OK OK. Nosey fucker.
When I was in elementary and high school, which was a long fucking time ago TYVM*, I was less than nobody. It was an ugly time in my life, and I would love to erase it from my life.
Are you annoying to most people?
Only the ones too stupid to go away.
Can you take the truth, no matter what it is?
Yes. I steal truth all the time from people and put it to my own nefarious uses.
Would you go suicidal if someone in your family died?
No. I would not go anywhere if someone in my family died, except possibly to the funeral. I wouldn’t become suicidal either. In spite of all the other shit I’ve gotten from my bipolar, the urge to die has never been one of those problems. I’m too pissed off to die, and I would be angry in grief, too. Though I’ll knock wood.
Is there somebody in your life you hate at this point?
They aren’t really in my life, no. We aren’t even frenemies on Facebook. But we do see the fuckers out in public from time to time, and I want to roast them in boiling holy water, so I guess that’s a yes.
Are you dreading something right now?
Ugh. Yeah. Sam refused to get out of his pajamas, colored all over his face, and then cut up some other kid’s shirt today.
He’s had so many good days. But when you’re walking the line, that one bad day may be the end of all good ones. I’m just terrified that when Scott takes him in tomorrow, they’re going to say it’s his last day, and he can’t come back Monday. Yeah. I’m dreading that pretty hard.
While taking this, did you start thinking about your true self?
No. If you want me to think about my true self, ask writing questions.
Would you date somebody on Valentine’s Day just to get something for Valentine’s?
Have you ever broke somebody’s heart and didn’t care?
“broken”. It’s ‘have you ever broken’, and I married the first guy I ever dated, so no.
Did you go to Pre-K?
Yes, only then it was called Nursery School.
And, to round out a solidly dorkilicious quiz, here is a gratuitous shot of Eyederman in second position.
*Thank you very much. I just made this up. I don’t know if it’s real text speak or not. Onward!
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.