Normally, my quiz answers aim only to make you laugh yourself out of your chair. However, this week’s quiz is a little more serious, and I know I’ve acquired a couple of new readers since I migrated last week. Therefore, let me preface my quiz with a couple of warnings, since this is a little different than most of the content you’ll find on my blog.
1) I have a blue tongue. F-bombs explode from my mouth and onto my blog at a rate four times as fast as the growth of the national debt. OK, that’s actually not any different from normal at all. But this week’s one nonfiction piece was pretty warm and fuzzy, so if you AREN’T used to my non-fiction, consider yourself warned.
2) I’m rampantly liberal. Again, not really any different, but I don’t typically engage in politics on Jester Queen.
If you disagree with me about these issues, feel free to tackle it in the comments. Be as caustic and sarcastic as you like (I’m probably setting myself up big time here, but I’m pretty damned caustic and sarcastic below, so I feel it’s only fair). I may or may not choose to respond to caustic sarcasm, mind, as I’ll assume you’re answering me tone for tone, and I don’t want to start a hate-war on my blog. But unless you engage in ethnic or homophobic slurs, I won’t delete you or be offended by you just because we don’t agree and you use the same attitude as me.
1) Do you think that gay marriage should be legal?
Of course I do. I am an outspoken advocate of marriage equality. Scott and I both support fairness, and I yearn for the day when people just refer to ‘marriage’ without qualifying straight from gay.
2) Do you think that gays should be allowed to seve in the military?
No. My GOD we can only assume that the missing letter in that word is ‘r’, and if we start allowing military people of any sexual orientation to start SEVERING things randomly…just think of the IMPLICATIONS. MY GOD I OPPOSE THIS.
If, perhaps, the missing ‘r’ falls before the ‘v’, on the other hand, then I support it wholeheartedly.
3) What do you think about people who don’t believe in god?
I think I’ll psychoanalyze that question. The very fact that you ask it, and in such a loaded way, suggests that you do believe in god and that you are out there judging those who don’t. The word is ‘atheists’, though I think you might be allergic to such terminology. I wouldn’t want you to break out in hives, so be sure to take a Benadryl before you read my answer. Ready? My answer: See 4.
4) Are you pro life or pro choice?
This time you have at least chosen less loaded terminology, identifying both camps by their own chosen monikers. So I’ll over-analyze the monikers instead. The phrase ‘pro-life’ implies that anyone who supports abortion in any way is ‘anti-life’. There’s not much to parse about ‘pro-choice’, though I do see a lot of “it’s a child, not a choice” bumper stickers around here. I’m guessing that loaded answer tells you which group I support. In case not, read this article by Anne Lamott. (I’ve been dying to get me some Anne Lamott in this blog. She IS one of my personal Gods. Other than the people we respect and honor above all others, I am not sure whether or not there is a real God, though Lamott, who is Christian, would not share my opinion)
5) Do you think we should test on animals?
I had some tests run on my dog just the other day! They all came back negative, thank God. He doesn’t have alarming worms, parvo, or even a stomach virus. Turns out, the problem was what I feared all along. He barfed all over the living room because he ate an entire box of Cheez-Itz including the cardboard when he got pissed off at me for waiting to feed him until I got back from picking up the kids the other day. I’d have been seriously worried if we hadn’t tested.
6) How do you feel about illegal immigration?
For expediency’s sake, I’ll assume that you’re really asking about illegal immigration from Mexico. You could mean from other countries, but given the nature of the quiz, I really fucking doubt it.
We are ignorant fools in the United States. We take our own wealth for granted and forget that we live in better conditions than most of the world. In the 19th century, we invented nasty things like the Chinese Exclusion Act because we were just dead sure the nation was going to be overrun by Chinese laborers.
Now, we’re paranoid about Mexicans taking over the country. Fuck. I say we scrub Emma Lazarus off the statue of liberty. Here. I’ll let The Bitch write the new plaque inscription.
The New Mother Teresa
Not like that Mother of generous fame
With withered face and open loving hands
Here at our sea-washed sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the lyingest beacon, and her name
Mother of Hypocrites. Her zombie hand
Glows world-wide false hope; her blank eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities fame.
“Stay back, you undeserving wretch,” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me instead your rich,
Your white people yearning for the free
Market. Let them come scratch that Wall Street itch.
Send not, the homeless tempest-tost to me,
I say, come only wealthy to this bitch.”
7) Do you think it is ethical to do stem cell research?
The question exposes your ignorance, as it presumes that all stem-cell research is embryonic stem-cell research. It demonstrates no awareness of adult stem-cell research or induced pluripotent stem-cell research.
And yes. Whichever of those three forms you are discussing, I do support it. But then, as established in question 4, I’m anti-Life to begin with.
8 ) Should be get rid of the death penalty?
Oooh, Rasta time! Let’s set a laid back beat. With a
da boom cha cha chicky-chik
… now everybody SING. Let me hear you SING!
Should be get rid of de deat’ penalty?
Should be? Ya, Mon, I tink, maybe so.
(Dat is all. You may stop singing now.)
Since I’m so anti-life, I probably ought to say ‘no’. However, my real answer is that it can’t go away soon enough. For me, the answer has less to do with economics (though that’s valid) than with horror. There are innocent people on death row. The Innocence Project has established that. Has, in fact, saved a few. How can we consider ourselves a just people if we knowingly execute even one innocent person? I’m talking about people who were already living sentient beings here, and I do distinguish between that and embryos or fetuses. I’m all in favor of revenge. But in this day and age, it is often completely impossible to be sure that you are carrying out your revenge on the right person. I suppose it was always impossible, but now it is even less so. There is no just way to impose a death penalty with absolute certainty that only the guilty will die.
9) Is torture ever acceptable?
No. Fuck no. Plain and simple.
10) Should the government have a say on our diets?
Madame Syntax? Would you care to address this question while I go eat another Pop Tart?
Yes, Jester Queen, I’ll be happy to do so.
Many students fail to appropriately use the term ‘on’. In spoken English, “on” frequently replaces other prepositions like ‘in’ and ‘about’. However, this is not acceptable in written language. In this case, the appropriate wording would be “Should the government have a say about our diets?” You’re welcome. Have you finished that Pop Tart yet, Jester?
Yes, thanks, I’ll take care of the next one
11) Should the alcoholic drinking age be increased or decreased?
I would feel very uncomfortable stating an age at which it is acceptable for one to become an alcoholic. I would, in fact, propose that it is never a good idea.
12) Should cigarette smoking be banned?
In public places, yes. I grew up around secondhand smoke. It still affects my breathing, even though I have not been consistently around it for over a decade now. A public ban wouldn’t have fixed my early problems, but it sure would limit them now.
Whew. That was some intense fluffing there. I’m thinking this week we got pretty hard core. Next week, we will return you to your regularly scheduled bullshit. In the interest of peace in the valley and such, I believe I’ll end with a warm fuzzy picture of Sam.
That’s it for now, people. Until next week, may the Fluff be with you.
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.