Zombie Jesus

Short entries are supposed to be best, so I’ll keep this one to the point. This is a great Caroline tale. And today is the right day to retell it, for sure.

Scott is Christian. I’m agnostic. When we lived in Lexington, we went to Scott’s Presbyterian church and sent Caroline to preschool in a synagogue. Right across the hall from Caroline’s room, the temple held its bar/bah mitzavah classes, and there was overlap between the beginning of big-kid class and little-kid-pickup time. The big kids discussed important religious questions at length.

Keep this in mind.

The nursery at Scott’s church understood that although Caroline didn’t have a formal autism diagnosis at that point, there were social delays that made it difficult to move her up to the appropriate preschool Sunday School class. But. She was four and a half, and I wanted to see if she could try.

So one week, I took her up to Sunday School. Immediately, I knew it was a doomed mission. Those kids could sit in a circle. Caroline needed to walk around the room.

Also, there was this:

The parent leading the class was using appropriate props to tell the story of Mary Magdalene at the tomb. With her wooden figures positioned, she asked the kids, “How do you think she felt, all alone, not realizing it was Jesus walking towards her.”

This little boy said, without a hint of mischief, “I’d be scared he was going to turn me into a zombie, too!”

And instead of stopping to acknowledge and address the very sincere underlying concern, the teacher glossed it over, said “Resurrection is different from Zombie,” and moved along. Of course, all anybody could think of after that was “Zombie Jesus”

As I escaped with Caroline afterwards,  I wondered “What would that parent reply when my thoughtful echolaliac repeated something from the bar/bah mitzfah class? How would she answer ‘Why do Christians call the Torah the OLD Testament?”

Oh no. Church Preschool was not ready for Caroline. It was back to the much loved nursery the next week. Sweet.


I’m hooking up with The Lightning and The Lightning Bug’s Flicker of Inspiration “Short and Sweet”. I’m not quite sure if this is the brand of short and sweet they were looking for, but the story’s been aching to be told all day.

About jesterqueen:
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.


Zombie Jesus — 17 Comments

    • I would say that SOME of them take it that literally. But my real question would be WHY it’s different if God brings you back versus if voodoo does it. What exactly is the fundamental difference?

      • Geez, one PBR and I need internet probation. Later I wished I had engaged my compassion a little earlier. I think it may have been lingering Easter toxicity.

        And, I’m not sure why that would be better. Because everything God does is awesome?
        Hop over and visit The Good Luck Duck’s recent post I still have those knees.My Profile

        • Nah – because he makes a great appetizer. They’re all waiting for the Glorious Lunch.


          It COULD happen.

          I mean, he’s got to feed all those hungry souls SOMEHOW, right?

          No worries. I found the humor in what you said. And believe me, I have neighbors to whom I would apply it with complete and utter sincerety. They worry too much about the state of my soul.

    • As it turned out, it was HIS mother. You are SO close to the mark here!!! She was probably reacting to her own embarassment, as much as anything. We were later in a parenting class together and she turned out to be really sweet. (I still don’t think she could have handled my duck, mind you.)

      • Jessie, this is one of the reasons I have grown to respect you as I have read your blog. You really have a gift for not judging others. You call out situations that you disagree with, but I have never known you to make it personal. I truly admire that about you. It shows maturity…a maturity that we don’t all reach.
        Hop over and visit May’s recent post Tramp ArtMy Profile

  1. This is so spot on. Kid’s wisdom should be bottled and sold for 100 bucks an ounce. Zombie Jesus. Priceless!

  2. Oh no. I’m going to be saying Zombie Jesus sometime soon. I know it. 🙂 I just hope nobody mean is listening to me when it pops out!

    I bet you’ve been itching to use that as a title ever since you heard it. 🙂
    Hop over and visit Sparks In Shadow’s recent post CacophonyMy Profile

    • And they are blunt and very very literal minded. Caroline had to get blood drawn the other day. She was trying to be cooperative. The phlebotomist was trying to ask her questions as precisely as she could. And yet, poor Caroline still bunched up the wrong fist, then pumped her fist on the wrong hand. It was amusing only because the lady got it right on the first stick, mind.

  3. I taught both 4th grade and kindergarteners at my temple and have had many, many, many comments along the same lines as “zombie Jesus”- in fact, it was one of my very favorite parts about teaching! They always kept me on my toes lol

    Nice job with the prompt!

    • Kids are completely up front with their concerns. And I’ve always held deep reverence for the teachers who would take the questions seriously, and even more reverence for the ones who could tell the difference between kidding and asking for really-realz.