In memoriam

For the last time, I told Fudge, “Good night, old man” as I turned off the living room light.

For the last time, Scott got up early to let him outside.

For the last time, he refused to eat.

For the last time, Sam lovingly annoyed him so much that he came tottering in to find an adult for rescue.

For the last time, he turned around and wandered back outside in confusion, unsure what he was doing inside as soon as Sam left him alone.

For the last time, Caroline kissed his nose.

For the last time, we took his picture.

For the last time, we hoisted his rear legs into the car.

For the last time, we rode with the window down so he could enjoy the breeze, so the reek of his rotting ears wouldn’t force us to pull the car over.

For the last time, we caught him climbing out so he wouldn’t fall. He was so light. Last Thursday, it took two of us to steady him down the hall. Today, I picked him up alone.

For the last time, he lay down on the vet’s cool tile floor.

For the last time, he took a deep breath in and sighed it out.

For the last time.

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1849



Although I have added ‘for’ in front of their prompt, I’m linking this one up with the folks at The Lightning and The Lightning Bug, since it was absolutely what I was working with as I wrote.

About jesterqueen:
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.


In memoriam — 33 Comments

  1. Oh Jessie, I am so sorry for the loss of your precious Fudge. This so brings me back to when our Tonka passed and we went through the same “last”motions and held him on the floor of the Vet’s office.

    Tears and many hugs for you!!
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    • I won’t forget the moment his eyes dimmed. But I also won’t forget how light he was carrying in, and how that told me it was absolutely the right thing. May he and Tonka be meeting somewhere even now.

    • Thanks Tara,

      I do think he’ll rest in peace. He had a good heart and a good life. It was his old body that betrayed him in the end.

    • Thanks,
      They’re doing OK. I guess we all are. We sat up late and talked about him last night. And I think we will again tonight.

  2. What a beautiful remembrance of your family’s beloved canine friend. I could feel the love in your words.

  3. What a nice way to remember a dear family member. I can tell how much you love Fudge, and all the details reminded me of when my husband and I had to send one of our dear kitties to the rainbow bridge.
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    • The coolest thing was the way he had become very much Caroline’s dog here recently. What eight year old feeds the dog every single morning? She was SO upset when he entered his final decline and I had to take over. And she was SO relieved when he stopped eating his specialty meals and she could have her job back AND feed him anything he’d eat. (He always had to have a weird diet.)

    • Thanks Andra,

      I really appreciate that coming from the other end of the world. I know you’re incredibly busy, and you’ve taken the time to comment on my blog nearly every day! That means a tremendous amount.

    • It’s so hard to lose a friend. Right before Christmas. OUCH. At least we were at a neutral time of the year. I’m sorry for your loss as well.

    • I spilled food all over the floor the other day and just automatically called, “Fudge WORK”. And when he didn’t magically appear I sobbed.

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