Sunday Sins: Anna Karenina

Sundays have been far too pious in this town of late. That means, yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another edition of SUNDAY SIN. And what better book to save from itself than that bursting-with-lust tome Anna Karenina. None, methinks. With sexuality, women’s roles, and repression lying in the heart of this novel, its characters simply beg for some sexual healing from Eden Fantasys. Oh yes. This is sponsored content. But I think you know my integrity (which is utterly different from ‘purity’) is sound.

First, a brief plot rundown omitting many salient points for those of you who can’t handle Tolstoy. I’m not going to muck around in Russian names. Everybody’s got a nickname, and I’ll be using them. This guy, Stiva, is boffing the (former) nanny. His sister Anna comes along and reconciles him with his wife, Dolly. (He goes off and boffs a ballerina instead. Dolly copes.) Anna accidentally falls in love with a guy named Vronsky.
Anna becomes pregnant. She wants a divorce. Anna has a baby, gets puerperal fever, and leaves with Vronsky. She becomes an object of ridicule. Vronsky still has a life. Sexism sucks. Anna, probably doped up on sedatives, goes to meet Vronsky at a train station and instead throws herself under the locomotive.I’m omitting the other main character (Levin), by the way, but every other character needs a cure more than him. So he and his gal get off (see what I did there) without Jester Analysis ™.

Stiva the serial philanderer goes from affair to affair without showing any real respect for his wife Dolly. You know what? That guy needs a serious flogging. Maybe if someone had paddled him as a child, he wouldn’t be so determined to wander from his own bed. (And if that doesn’t work, let’s hope he’s at least using a rubber away from home.)

Dolly is Stiva’s betrayed wife. In spite of Anna’s intervention, Dolly never gets the love and respect she deserves. So it’s pretty clear in this book that she’s going to be working out on her own. That’s OK. She can get plenty of exercise with her own pair of smartballs. But a discrete massager wouldn’t hurt either. Let’s face it, the girl’s going hungry.

Vronsky the loverman. He initially courts Dolly’s sister Kitty but drops her like a hot coal when Anna comes into the picture. He thinks he’s such a hot number. He probably carries around a pocket pussy. But somewhere around the middle, he realizes he’s just a slave to love.

Karenin is Anna’s husband. The man who stands between his wife and her lover. He’s hidebound by tradition. He needs to break out of his repressed mold. A lot of his problems stem from the fact the he’s not getting any. He could use some of those delicate items Vronsky is getting plenty of. In their absence, he needs a good blow. And he probably wouldn’t mind if his girl was a little on the flexible side. It would soften him up to take a new attitude about Anna and Vronsky.

Anna Karenina. Ah Anna. Anna can’t control her own fate. She’s not allowed to. She leaves her unhappy marriage for an unhappy affair with a studmuffin who treats her well in spite of his bad boy ways. But she’s not happy. To help her relax so she doesn’t need those sedatives, she needs an in-home spa treatment. She should lean back with an aromatic candle and let go of all her tension. If she can just achieve a state of zen, that locomotive will seem so much less appealing at the end.

I hope you have enjoyed today’s edition of Sunday Sin, sponsored by Eden Fantasys. Join me next time (and feel free to suggest titles in the comments) to offer more sexual healing to literary characters. In the long run (and in conclusion), I think Mr. Tolstoy would have benefitted enormously if he had been given a subscription to Eden Fantasys magazine Sexis…

Sexis - a provocative sex magazine at EdenFantasys.com

About jesterqueen:
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.

Comments

Sunday Sins: Anna Karenina — 13 Comments

    • Don’t waste your time with Anna. It’s the most dreary AWFUL book. I’m not sure even Eden Fantasys can save these people. But Crime and Punishment? Brothers Karamazov? Cancer Ward? (Not all by the same person) Very different stories entirely.

  1. What a way to start a Sunday, Jester Queen. I couldn’t resist and it’s been a long time since you’ve written one of these or it’s slipped by me. You made a dreadfully boring book/story far more enticing, interesting and thankfully condensed!
    Hop over and visit Gina’s recent post Life Long Love AffairMy Profile

    • That thing was so long. I did an independent study and chose a lot of Russian literature in my undergrad. I loved most of it. But not Tolstoy’s novels.

  2. Haha! Very clever, Jessie. Your version of this story is so much better than the original. I think you should apply this technique to classic books (like the ones that add zombies and such to classics). Sexing them up would be a lot more entertaining. 🙂
    Hop over and visit Andra Watkins’s recent post Let There Be Peace on EarthMy Profile

    • It makes them manageable in my mind. Once I’ve read something, the characters tend to stick with me, and the main thing I remember about Anna is cheering for the train when she finally dove under it. There wasn’t any tragedy or loss, and I felt nothing for her plight, even though Tolstoy was writing to illustrate the injustice of her situation and show how women and men who behaved similarly were treated differently. All that permeated was how much I hated her!

  3. Yeah! for Sunday Sins! I agree with Andra Williams: your version is so much better than the drab original.
    Clever and so well written, as usual. Thanks for sharing.