Where you’ll also find me

I swear I didn't pose him. He insists on sleeping shirtless, and he's always cutest at bedtime. The rabbit is called "Nobunny"

I swear I didn’t pose him. He insists on sleeping shirtless, and he’s always cutest at bedtime. The rabbit is called “Nobunny”

And this is the place

In the soul shaken darkness

Where I find my son


I went to my favorite writer’s conference last weekend. Killer Nashville was incredible, as always, and I came away with new insights, new friends, and a few things that I completely didn’t expect. I’m sure I’ll talk about those things at some point.

The day before that, I took Sam to one of the myriad of doctor’s appointments that dot his schedule and left so soul-shaken that I thought I wouldn’t be able to drive to Nashville. Again, I’m sure I’ll talk about it here at some point, but I’m not ready yet. I left that appointment at once validated and furious, certain that the evaluating team was both exactly right and exactly wrong about Sam, and that the things they had right are the ones that scare me. It’s time to face another of the hydra’s seven heads, one I’ve expected, but one I’m not ready for, not this soon.

More importantly, he’s not ready for it. No psychological therapy will be useful until we get the meds stabilized, and our efforts to implement such always end in utter travesty. I want to wait a few more months, weeks even, to see if the newest medication will put him on firm enough ground to start behavior therapy.

But I don’t think I have that kind of time any longer. The hydra wants for slaying now, so Scott and I will strap on our battle armor and get family therapy underway so we can learn some new tactics and buy Sam the time he needs.

I’ll let you know how that works out for us, but don’t hold your breath.


About jesterqueen:
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.


Where you’ll also find me — 33 Comments

  1. If you need a gallon of orange hooch, I will be happy to send it your way. 🙁 If you need to scream or vent or cry or wail, you know you have a friend in me.

    (I hope the Killer Nashville news is good. One of us needs to continue to get good news on the writing front, and I am now convinced it will never be me. 🙁 But, that makes me no less happy for my friends.)

    • Hugs. I’m totally convinced that persistence WILL pay off for you Andra. And there’s nobody out there who will ever accuse me of being an optimist. I’ll feel better if the Depakote works, or if we can stop something else in favor of it, or stop it in favor of something else … or … well any number of things but what we actually are dealing with right now.

    • Oh yeah. Captain underpants rode the waves at ballet this week. I’m glad he had on the underpants and had (has) a VERY patient teacher!!!

    • Indeed — there will ALWAYS be something, and as “something’s go, this one could be a whole lot worse. But I’m scared for him. Really scared.

  2. Hang in there and know that we’ll be around when you need to do some screaming. I hope it works out, it makes me so sad to hear that Sam, and the whole family, have new battles to face but it does sound like you’re prepared to fight and prepared to love and that’s the most important thing, to me at least. 🙂
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  3. This sent all kinds of chills going in me, Jessie. I am praying for Sam and for you and for your family. I admire your commitment to your kids – your head on way of dealing with what needs to be dealt with, whatever that may be. And I can’t wait to hear more about your writer’s conference. I love the way you approach writing, too.
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  4. Love, love, love the photo! What a gem Sam is. My son also used to (still does his wife assures) sans shirt. When he was in junior high school, he came home and announced he wasn’t wearing underwear any more…gross! Blue jeans without underwear??? I seriously contemplated meds at that conversation – either for him or for me…sigh. That lasted a couple of years. Sending best wishes to you and Scott, having crossed fingers, toes, and eyes that your demons with be quashed post haste. Thanks for sharing your poignant piece.

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  6. First of all, your haiku is so powerful and moving. Second, my heart goes out to you and your family. I hope that things work out for all of you.
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  7. You have a very cute boy! And as for you, from what I can see, you are an amazingly strong person. My very best to you all x

  8. Parenting is never easy, and you have a more difficult journey than most. But I have no doubt you’ll slay that hydra, and but good. Stay strong! We’re always here supporting you, even if all we can offer is words over cyberspace.
    Thank you for linking up.

  9. I am following your blog, no bribe required. Touching verses…I am sure writing brings out more clarity and nobility. All love to Sam and your family. God bless thee and keep thee…The Lord make His face to shine upon thee. A hymn just came into my head.
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  10. I am sorry that your family is facing such difficulties. Your poem touches every parents heart. Even though your poem was written on a personal level it is my belief that all parents face that soul shaken darkness in one way or another at some point. For some it may be just a brief passing through and for others a place they become much too familiar with.
    congratulations on your win this week.
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