Friday Fluff: January 27, 2012

OK folks, it’s time for another edition of Friday Fluff, where grown-ups fill out questionnaires written by misspelling grammar-ignoring teens. This one taken from here: and written by someone named LoLgUrLiE.

Before I get started, I’d just like to take a moment to discuss that username. You might suggest that someone with a handle like Jester Queen might want to shut her yap about what others decide to call themselves. If so, I would suggest that you shut the fuck up. Now. Let’s parse this out: LoLgUrLiE. I’m going to add spacing to make this a bit easier. LoL g Ur LiE or LOL gUrLiE.… Read the rest

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging! What the fuck? I can’t delete it. Fuck you WP
Read the rest

Dear Santa Clas [sic]

Dear Santa Clas [sic].

Damn, that's adorableI hope you enjoy the cookies. I hope the reindeer are doing whell [sic]. How are you doing? My name is Caroline Bradshaw Merriman. How is Mrs. Clas [sic] doing? How are the reindeer doing? Our house has a beautiful Chrismis tree Love Caroline

PS How is Rudolph Doing?





Dear Caroline and Sam,

Less so, but she was still thrilledHo ho ho! I do believe this is my longest letter from a child. Keep writing. You are very good at it. Your cookies were lovely. I am taking the chocolate one home to Mrs. Claus. I’m sure she is doing well and will love it.… Read the rest

Real danseurs don’t wear underpants

For all my dislike of the Christmas season, there are two things about this time of year that I simply love. One is the music. And no, I’m not talking about that trashy pop shit they play on whatever station calls itself “Mix” in your area. I don’t mean the incessant crappy mall noise that lasts from the day after Halloween until three days past New Year’s either. I mean Christmas carols, “Hark The Herald Angels Sing” “The Carol of the Bells” and “Good King Wenceslas”, preferably sung by a full choir a capella or with classical accompaniment.

I like Handel’s The Messaiah as performed by nearly any church, and I enjoy everything put out by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.… Read the rest

In which turkey is consumed

I don’t get off much on the winter holidays. Other than my birthday, it would pretty much be OK with me if, after Halloween, we skipped right to New Years. I don’t associate Thanksgiving and Christmas with love, togetherness, and warm fuzzies. Mostly, it makes me think of being trapped in a tiny house with Mom, Dad, and my sister, all of us wanting to kill each other. Even though I’ve been having pleasant holidays with Scott for over a decade now, the associations remain, and I always approach the season with a sense of trepidation.

This year, we had planned to celebrate with our friends Linda and Robert.… Read the rest

Come Fall

Exhibit A: Daughter with Rake

When I think about this time of year, the period of time between Halloween and Thanksgiving, I think about leaves. Every year’s pictures highlight my children’s growing fascination with rakes and piles made for jumping. They look forward to the slightly sweet, earthy smells and crisp sounds that mark the true end of autumn. Although winter doesn’t formally begin until almost Christmas, once the leaves come down, the weather becomes quickly inhospitable.

Exhibit B: Son with PacifierBefore we lived down south, the great outdoors had been rejecting our company for some weeks before we got around to raking up tree droppings. In contrast, down here, we’ve been known to wear short sleeves.… Read the rest

Happy Anniversary (Introducing Scott)

Scott and I celebrate our tenth anniversary this year. Today, actually. October 13th. And we’d like to do a dozen things that parents of young kids just don’t have time for. So we will not be going on a cruise. Or taking a thoughtful hike for miles and days down the Appalachian trail. Or even trying out skydiving together. (I’m not sure Scott would have acquiesced to that one anyhow.)  Thanks to my friend Linda and her husband Robert, we did catch Garrison Keillor in Tuscaloosa last month, and that was something anyway. Other than that, we will be staying in this year.… Read the rest

Let’s Go Fly A Kite

Fishing for a Star Wars, and evidently you caught one young man.

Caroline: Oh I’m fish, fish, fishing for a fish.

Sam: Oh I’m fish fish fishing for a Star Wars.

Guess who had which kite?

They were birthday presents from last week, when Caroline turned 8. I do get my kids gifts on the each other’s birthdays. They’re too young to combine intellectually understanding “It’s not my birthday” with “I didn’t get any presents at all today”. In any case, I got the kites back in May, intending to give them out for Sam’s birthday. But they sat forgotten for so long that it wound up being more sensible to hand them over in September.… Read the rest

Ladies’ Man

We went out to eat for Father’s day, both children in tow. Normally, this is an adventure in death-wishes, as the kids either act like monkeys (and not the tame ones, either) or choose a restaurant that features cuisine whose quality is inversely proportionate to the presence of playlands.  But as a special gift to Daddy, they behaved wonderfully during a grown-up meal. It helped that Sam had just spent two hours napping in the car as we returned from the McWane center in Birmingham, but the real success was in his falling in love with our server.

One of the big excitements of the trip was that Caroline has started eating a meat product.… Read the rest

Killer Golf

So. I have just realized that I’ve spent more days blogging about Disney than I actually spent in Florida.
{awkward pause}

We were in Orlando a total of roughly five days. Only two  of which were spent at anything even related to the Mouse with the House.

{another awkward pause}

And this is my seventh day of the Disney-vacation-blog. Innnnteresting.

{a final awkward pause}

Well, now that we’ve addressed that little issue, I’ll just move on to today’s topic, shall I?

Our resort had goofy golf.  (Every time I say the word “resort”, I feel obligated to note that we paid very little.… Read the rest