To Be a Writer

Subtitle: Fun With Foot in Mouth*


This weekend, I was a panelist at Murder in the Magic City and Murder on the Menu. I had a ball, and I made tons of friends, so I must not have been too weird. But there were some cringe-worthy moments, as well.

L-R Me, Debra H. Goldstein, Jim Lavene, and Christopher Lavene All photos courtesy Steve Herring, Murder in the Magic City, and Murder on the Menu

L-R Me, Debra H. Goldstein, Jim Lavene, and Christopher Lavene
All photos courtesy Steve Herring, Murder in the Magic City, and Murder on the Menu

Here’s some of the crazy shit I said…

Gaffe One

On the Murder in the Magic City panel, when asked what social justice issues I liked to see in fiction as a reader, I said autism.… Read the rest

From Birmingham to Wetumpka: Find me this weekend!

Hey look world, it’s ME! I’ve got lots of exciting news, and I’ll keep it short and sweet for now. In the next couple of weeks, each of these items (except maybe number 5) will get its own post.
  1. Last month, I was one of eight authors included in the anthology Eight Mystery Writers You Should Be Reading Now. Hank Phillipi  Ryan wrote the foreword. I’m kind of blown away to have my name in a book alongside honest-to-God award-winners. EightCover
  2. In other book news, on February 17, you can buy The Case of the Red-handed Rhesus, my sequel to The Marriage at the Rue Morgue
Read the rest

Come see me in Bessemer

This Saturday, August 29, I’ll be appearing with a group of other Alabama Authors at the Bessemer Public Library’s first annual Local Author Book Signing Extravaganza from 10:00 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. Of course, I’ll be signing and selling copies of The Marriage at the Rue Morgue.

MarriageAtRueMorgueFront (1)

Even better, I’ll have a few advance copies of my next book, The Case of the Red Handed Rhesus (due out this November) to give to a few lucky winners!

CaseOfRedHandedRhesusFront

 

However, I will not be wearing my Halloween Costume. The literary world can only take so much of my awesome at once.

2014-10-31 17.51.55

Hope you can come out for a fantastic event!… Read the rest

Summer School Part 1 of 3

Really 2(Door creaks open. Jessie peers through, enters, and sneezes twice in the accumulated dust. She dries her nose on her sleeve. Finding her jester’s crown atilt on a high backed chair, she strides to it with growing confidence. She seizes the cap and  bangs it on a nearby table, sending up a dust storm and bringing on a hacking fit. When she has recovered, she glares daggers at the table and chair, daring them to provoke another allergic reaction. Still eyeing the furniture warily, she puts on her hat and waits. When nothing happens, she smiles.)

Jessie: Well, hello folks. It’s nice to be back.… Read the rest

The ones who don’t say “Trick or Treat”

2014-10-31 17.51.55Halloween is my favorite time of the year. When else can we go door to door, jeer at and veritably threaten the people who answer the summons, and still be met with candy? Candy! Oh the season of candy. It brings me such joy. This is my Christmas and Thanksgiving. Imagine if I wandered up to a stranger’s house in July, rang the bell and shouted, “TRICK OR TREAT!”Odds on, they’d call the cops.

2014-10-31 17.53.31But there are those who knock on the stoop year round, most particularly salespeople and religious proselytizers. I don’t have sympathy for the sellers of goods I don’t want.… Read the rest

The Change

 

when they were giants copymuppetboob2 copy

Nutshell

awk copy

Stressors and dressers

“I’m going to chop my left arm off with my dresser drawer.” My daughter holds herself in a Karate Kid meets Chubby Checker pose. “And put it in a sling and die.”

It would be funny, if she weren’t so damned serious.

Crime Writers (A Rant)

Really 3If someone said “Nothing against women writers, but all of my favorite crime fiction authors happen to be men,” how would you respond?

Fuck you.

Probably, then I’d walk away.

If I didn’t. If I stayed and kept chatting, I’d add something like this:

Seriously. It’s the twenty first century, and you appear not to notice how offensive the phrase “nothing against women” is, or how it suggests, right off the bat, that you find the women’s works inferior. Also, you are an idiot if you didn’t notice you’re talking to a woman mystery author, so you are implying that you have no desire to read my work at all because it’s sure to be inferior to a man’s writing.Read the rest

What Happened Until Innocent Until Proven Guilty?

On Jury Duty: Point Four: What Happened to Innocent Until Proven Guilty?
After shot. Sorry. I only have on a bra in the before shot. Ill text it to interested parties with no embarrassment whatsoever, but I do not believe it needs blogging.

After shot. Sorry. I only have on a bra in the before shot. Ill text it to interested parties with no embarrassment whatsoever, but I do not believe it needs blogging.

What the fuck happened to innocent until proven guilty?

People don’t grasp the law. I don’t mean the fiddly bits even lawyers barely understand. I’m talking basics. If I am ever arrested, God save me from a jury of my peers.

In any criminal trial, the defendant is innocent until proven guilty. The burden of proof is on the prosecutorial team.… Read the rest