As always with Friday Fluff, this is just one blog with a grown woman answering questions written by a weird teen. These questions come from here, and there’s a linkup at the bottom to Lisa over at Seeking Elevation. Oh look. I just put one up top, too. Because that’s how I roll. Now let’s get this hoss moving.
Have you ever flirted with your best friend’s bf/gf?
I don’t flirt with myself. Too weird. And yes, I’m married to my best friend. And I’m his girlfriend, too.
Do you think that you’re all that and your probably really not?
If I thought I was all that, would I really notice that I wasn’t?
Have you gotten beat up before. Tell the truth.
No. But I’d love to put a beat down on your ass.
Are you smart or are you dumb?
Fucking brilliant.
If you’re a girl, do you scratch your boobs when nobody’s looking?
Clearly, you are a guy. Boobs don’t itch the way balls do. Women don’t get overcome with the need to just clutch our bosoms and dig around to get rid of that scratchy feeling. Just because breasts and balls both are danglies, that does not mean they serve the same function or behave in the same manner when confined.
Have you ever wanted to have sex with your own gender?
You can get fucked because of your gender, but I never knew of anyone ever who could fuck a gender, their own or anyone else’s.
Are you liking this survey so far?
Ask me in a couple of beers. Oops’s survey’s over. Still got plenty of beer. I guess you’ll never get your answer now.
Do you have alot of friends or are you nobody at school?
Go visit Allie Bosh at Hyperbole and a Half. NOW. If you survive the attack of her alot, come back for my answer.
What? You’re still living? You must be too stringy to eat or something.
OK OK. Nosey fucker.
When I was in elementary and high school, which was a long fucking time ago TYVM*, I was less than nobody. It was an ugly time in my life, and I would love to erase it from my life.
Are you annoying to most people?
Only the ones too stupid to go away.
Can you take the truth, no matter what it is?
Yes. I steal truth all the time from people and put it to my own nefarious uses.
Would you go suicidal if someone in your family died?
No. I would not go anywhere if someone in my family died, except possibly to the funeral. I wouldn’t become suicidal either. In spite of all the other shit I’ve gotten from my bipolar, the urge to die has never been one of those problems. I’m too pissed off to die, and I would be angry in grief, too. Though I’ll knock wood.
Is there somebody in your life you hate at this point?
They aren’t really in my life, no. We aren’t even frenemies on Facebook. But we do see the fuckers out in public from time to time, and I want to roast them in boiling holy water, so I guess that’s a yes.
Are you dreading something right now?
Ugh. Yeah. Sam refused to get out of his pajamas, colored all over his face, and then cut up some other kid’s shirt today.
This is not SPiderman. No. This is Iderman, which, in Sam's mind, is EYEderman. And, according to the superhero himself, EYEderman uses a lot of EYE makeup.
He’s had so many good days. But when you’re walking the line, that one bad day may be the end of all good ones. I’m just terrified that when Scott takes him in tomorrow, they’re going to say it’s his last day, and he can’t come back Monday. Yeah. I’m dreading that pretty hard.
While taking this, did you start thinking about your true self?
No. If you want me to think about my true self, ask writing questions.
Would you date somebody on Valentine’s Day just to get something for Valentine’s?
No.
Have you ever broke somebody’s heart and didn’t care?
“broken”. It’s ‘have you ever broken’, and I married the first guy I ever dated, so no.
Did you go to Pre-K?
Yes, only then it was called Nursery School.
And, to round out a solidly dorkilicious quiz, here is a gratuitous shot of Eyederman in second position.
Though I guess the arms look more first-position-y
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*Thank you very much. I just made this up. I don’t know if it’s real text speak or not. Onward!
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Linking up with Lisa over at Seeking Elevation! Come play with the rest of us fluffers. And yes, to quote Lisa, we do know what a fluffer is.
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Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order. |
Love the photos of Sam.
Thank God! Everybody but this director at his school thought he was hilarious. I had to take him to therapy in the middle of the day, and she was like "You really ought to take him home and clean him up first."
What? And REWARD the behavior? Lady, that is his problem. Besides, it's adorable, and I've got bigger fish to fry. When you've seriously imagined your kid growing up and killing somebody, 'he just colored on his eyes and in his hair' becomes massively inconsequential by comparison. And I never EVER want to forget when he was Eyederman.
I'm looking very forward to his Preschool Graduation and hoping to GOD he makes it that far. (I don't think they actually graduate the preschoolers. But we'll be having our own damned ceremony, you'd better believe.)
Dudddde! I totally linked to Allie's alot post as well! Tee hee!
Bwahaha!! Yes! Allie Bosch is da WOMAN.
These Friday surveys are hilarious. Picturing the person who wrote this makes me want to make up smartass answers too!
Oh do! Come play. It's completely fun!
Boobs are not like balls?
I think my boobs and I are going to have to hold a srrious conversation on this issue.
Yes, you really are all that. And a bag of chips. And a really, really cool mom.
Thanks! I love this whole fluffery. It's just so much silly fun.
Eyederman is super cute!
He's hilarious. The "eye make-up" is hilariously accurate. I love that he looks like he has little blue sunshines.