He said, “Fair’s fair. You lost.”
She snarled, “You cheated.”
He didn’t answer.
She hit the pits first. They took ages, and she had to rinse the blade between strokes. Then she moved on to her legs.
After the first one she yelled, “I need a replacement.”
“You don’t have to shout.” He pushed it through the curtain.
She attacked the second leg with a little too much vigor and got a red running slice for her trouble. After that, she demanded a third razor. “God almighty don’t tiny cuts bleed a lot in water?”
She stood in the shower, letting the water thunder down her back. Trent offered, “I could climb in and do it for you.”
“Fuck you.”
Diana hiked her left leg up into the soap dish and propped her ass against the wall. She started on the inner thigh, working across until she reached the middle. Then she took the left leg down and propped her right leg on the lip of the tub to attack the jungle from the other side. When she was done, the only hair left was on top of her head. She looked at the drain and said, “I can see why some people wax.”
When she turned off the water , celebratory explosions carried in from outside.
“Happy New Year,” said Trent.
Diana stepped out of the shower. Trent stood naked against the door with his arms splayed to either side of the frame. A rubber band affixed the ace and king of hearts to his left wrist. In his right hand, he held a can of shaving cream.
“You did cheat.” More bombs popped in the distance. In the bathroom, Diana said, “Now I’ll show you some goddamned fireworks.”
“Yes, I did.” And Trent reached up to the shelf beside the sink and handed her a fourth razor. “And I hope you will.”
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The folks running the flash fiction month challenge somehow neglected to give us a specific prompt today. That’s okay. Trifecta gave us a great one: Fireworks. And in case you’re wondering about my personal position on the topic of ladyscaping, I think Amanda Fucking Palmer has the right attitude. (Yes, gasp, I’m embedding a video.)
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Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order. |
OMG… snicker…
Grin. This one was fun to write.
Metropcs doesn’t support twitter. I pay 25 a month for unlimited text and minutes, but no internet. Looks like everything is working on my end these days.
That made me laugh. I love the reveal with the cards rubberbanded to his wrist. I’ve got to say, though, there are some places it’s not good to shave when you’re angry…
I’m pretty sure he didn’t realize how angry she’d be. He had intended all along to get to voyeuristically watch her through the curtain and then have her shave him. It never crossed his mind how much she liked her hair – the legs, the arms, the pubes. He’s just sexist enough not to realize what he’s asking. And he’s liable to get nicked for it.
Oh boy, he’d better guard his eyebrows! He might want to stay away when the hair starts to grow back…the stubbly growth is bound to itch and make her terribly cranky!
“That’s so whack it hurts with the stubble/ walkin’ round and look like an eight year old”. Yes. She’s going to be mad about this for awhile. He’s not getting the kind of fireworks he expects.
No one ever talks about hiking their foot up on the soap dish and propping their ass against the wall! It’s *so* uncomfortable — and men, with their slapdash two minutes on their faces — have NO idea! Thank you for finally bringing some female honesty into fiction!
And then there’s the slipping and falling.
Then nobody tells you how much brain damage a faucet can cause. Then nobody tiz yo show hcmu a fosset can brian dmg cos.
OMG, that’s funny.
This was hilarious. Love your sense of humor.
Roguish grin. I’ve been trying to do something with that song for ages.
Ooooh, ouch. The perfect Trifecta entry for me on which to start back … Brilliant as always.
Thanks Karen. There’s nothing pleasant about shaving. At all.
Ha ha ha, but the worse thing for me is having the hair. My particular sensitivities mean that there are days when I can’t even wear a pair of tights or pants, because the roots of each and every hair on my body hurt so bad. That includes the hair on my head too …
I prefer to wax, but with three youngish children? Ha ha ha.
Oh man, I was flinching while she was running the razor up her legs. EEEK! Great story!
Yes, and probably with big angry strokes, too.
Loved this so much but I’d go for the waxing! I understand not everyone’s into the scaping. And I concur with whoever said it above, he will have an angry cat on his hands when the itching starts. You pulled off a stellar entry in my book! Fireworks, for sure!!!
Giggles. Your humor is so awesome. He’s in for a world of hurt, isn’t he?
loved your vivid descriptions and how irritated she was throughout… and how clueless he is about what he’s got coming!
oh my god enjoyed your post and embedded video. 🙂
That has got to be one of my favorite songs ever. Glad you liked the story!
Great story, Jessie. Still giggling.
What a video to embed. 🙂 Thanks for linking up. I love your humor here. You successfully navigated the difficult terrain of risque humor. Your ability to tell a story and your precision with language make it pretty much impossible for you to fail, no matter what you try. Nice write.
I just love Amanda Fucking Palmer. (And that’s what the AFP on her wonderwoman panties there stands for). I’ve been wanting to play off this song forever. Thank you for saying that about my writing, too. It gives me the warmest happy fuzzies.
Love this story and I’ve loved that video since the first time I saw it. I like the idea of a NSFW challenge. Since I’m trying to exercise that muscle, I’ll have to check this out.