“Hey.” Jeanette looked up from her crossword puzzle and pushed her reading glasses up her nose. She didn’t answer the question.
“You look distracted.”
“I need a seven letter word that means samurai suicide. I’m trying to fit harakiri, but it’s too long and doesn’t start with ‘s’.”
“Try ‘Seppuku’.” Kallum crunched into the apple.
“Ugh. Of course.” She looked back down and started writing. “Thanks, I guess.” When she had finished marking the squares, she set down her pencil, but she didn’t move her finger over to another clue. The room filled with uneasy silence. Jeanette took off her glasses and patted one of Kallum’s massaging hands.
“Make you think about Tina?”
Jeanette hiccoughed, then rose and turned into her husband’s embrace. “I can’t figure out how she slit both wrists. After the first one, shouldn’t her hand have been too bloody and slick to hold the knife?”
Kallum stiffened for a moment, then he stroked Jeanette’s hair without answering. When she finished crying, he let her go. “You OK?”
“Yeah.”
“Like if I go mow, you’ll be all right in here alone a few minutes?” He handed her a tissue from the box on the table.
Jeanette sat back down. “I’ll be fine after I finish my coffee.”
“Don’t forget to shower today.” He nodded to the towel.
“I must smell awful.”
“It will make you feel better.”
After Kallum had gone, Jeanette picked up his apple. She took a bite, then threw it away. Leaving the towel on the table, she removed her robe.
Naked, she took a knife from the chopping block and walked to draw herself a bath.
___________________________________________________________________________
We’re all a little uneasy over at Trifecta this week.
And
For the Scriptic.org prompt exchange this week, Supermaren at http://supermaren.com gave me this prompt: Write a story in which one character is telling a lie.
I gave Grace O’Malley at http://www.librivore.comthis prompt: When I was among the oldest, I took that kind of thing for granted. But now that I’m one of the young ones, I find it very hard to come by.
Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order. |
Whoa, that was unexpected. Uneasy indeed… o__o
She’s so far from “OK” and poor Kallum is just helpless
Holy cats! That scared the crap out of me. My neck hairs started raising when Kallum reminded her to shower (sign of depression) plus his nervousness. Outstanding creepiness to kick off my favorite fall month! You are a fabulous story teller always reeling us in slowly and cleverly!
Hop over and visit Gina’s recent post Lessons Learned When Young And…Stupid
Holy cats is one of my favorite phrases. And I DO love to put a good scare into people!!
I had a bad feeling she wasn’t okay. When he was going to leave her alone, I shook my head and told him not to…but he didn’t listen. So sad.
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No. He’s clearly got no experience with this kind of thing. He knows she’s in a bad place, but he has no idea what he can do.
Loved that! Great ending – the sort that appeals to my twisted brain!
Hop over and visit The Random Blogger’s recent post Trifecta Writing Challenge: Week 45
Yes! You totally get it. You understand the beaming smile that was on my face when the pivotal moment slid into place as I was driving my kids to school.
Oh only if he had stayed back.
Quite a gripping story.
Hop over and visit Ruby Manchanda’s recent post The moment
I have a feeling that is exactly the thing that will come to haunt him in days to follow.
The pit of my stomach dropped when I read this.
Hop over and visit Annette Mickelson’s recent post Offering Severance
Yay! Oh. I’m supposed to be ab it more somber. But I’m delighted that it worked.
Oh, jeez. Yikes. Jessie, this might be one of my favorite things you’ve written. It’s so natural, and yet so horrifying, and so full of pain.
Hop over and visit Christine’s recent post A History of Silence
Thanks! My true goal is to be able to capture those innocent little moments and make each one matter.
I couldnt imagine being in that much inner pain. Losing someone close to you can really turn life upside down.
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Yes, that’s so very true. The grief that comes with loss is never completely rational.
I suppose this is why therapists are loath to let anyone leave a session if they’ve let any thought of suicide slip, no matter how small or fleeting, no matter how much they say they wouldn’t really do it. A sad but sure lie is implicit in the deed and all that leads up to it. I’m still wiping away tears, Jessie.
Very true!
I suppose this is why therapists are loath to let anyone leave a session if they’ve let any thought of suicide slip, no matter how small or fleeting, no matter how much they say they wouldn’t really do it. A sad but sure lie is implicit in the deed and all that leads up to it. I’m still wiping away tears, Jessie.
Very true. Because an impulsive frustration can blow up so quickly into something so much worse.
Nicely done. Definitely an unexpected twist!
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Thanks! You’re so sweet to keep coming over here. I love it when you visit. I’m glad you enjoyed my macabre twist.
I love reading your writing! It’s always enthralling.
Hop over and visit Lauren @ Gourmet Veggie Mama’s recent post Roasted Garlic Beet Soup
Jesus, Jessie. This thing should come with a disclaimer. (I jest; I jest.) That’s some heavy darkness there. How did you describe her bloody hand? Slippery? Ah, yes, slick. That’s perfect for the upcoming holidays. Thanks for linking up.
Hop over and visit Trifecta’s recent post Trifecta: Week Forty-Five
Always. {Beams happily} And I should probably just wear a disclaimer around, but it so much more fun to sneak up on people from behind. Boo!
Wow. Blown away by this one. Dialogue is spot on. Love the slow reveal.
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Thanks! I wanted the symbolism to be there, and then the symptoms, and finally drop the bomb right at the last.
Okay, that is just cruel to poor Kallum. I mean he already has dealt with ONE suicide…now his wife too?
Brutal
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He MIGHT get a clue and come back in time. I doubt it. But he might.
Ouch. So sad and so realistic. Very well done.
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Thanks 🙂 — who knows. He may yet get a miracle. I may continue this one next week, but I’m not sure which way it will go yet.
I didn’t like your story – but only because of the subject. Very intense subject matter and you did a wonderful job with the story.
Hop over and visit JEANNA’s recent post MOMENT OF CHOICE – TRIFECTA: WK 45
No worries :). (But it’ll only get worse as we count down to my favorite holiday. Muaahaa)
Wow, that makes me uneasy. All those mundane details really make the punch when it comes that much more powerful.
Hop over and visit Annabelle’s recent post Trifecta: Uneasy Lies the Head
I wanted it to be a hit to the gut, so that’s the perfect description. #Daymaker!
I had an idea that’s where this was going, not that that detracted from it at all — it gave it a nice bit of dramatic irony. The little details and small gestures really work here. Nice job!
Yay! I actually wanted the foreshadowing to be there. It’s not fair game if the ending bombshell is just an author contrivance.
Uneasy in so many ways. This was full of raw emotion.
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Raw and bleeding and slick!
Holy crap,JQ. Why did he leave her? The grass can wait. I hope he realizes and gets back in there in time.
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He might, but I doubt it. The only hope I think is that she has no idea what she’s doing, and most people think you cut lower down closer to the palm. and give themselves nasty infections without finding the artery.
i’m sorry, this struck too close to home for me to comment.
Ouch. I’m so very sorry. I love it when I can make readers squirm. When I make them relive something painful? Not so much. You have my heartfelt sympathies.
She answered him too quickly. What’s finishing coffee gonna do when you are heartbroken 🙁 Wow this was an excellent piece. Poor Kallum after he comes in from cutting the grass.
Talk about uneasy! What a guy punch–well done!
Hop over and visit Victoria KP’s recent post Trifecta: Uneasy
Those last two lines are unbelievable but this is some of your greatest dialogue..ever
You know I like this style. Dark, twisted, and unpredictable. You hit for the triple crown, here, slugger.
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Jessie, this is great and deserves that first spot. As Trifecta said, tight and controlled. Really well done. And your post for yeah write – also awesome. I learn from you with every reading.
Hop over and visit Stephanie B. (@B4Steph)’s recent post Uneasy
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The tragic truth in this is how people want to believe the other person is okay. And, they leave them anyway. So well written.
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