Scott and the kids never have overlapping spring breaks. Thus, the only way we can travel is if we yank the kids out of school for a couple of days of Scott’s break and make a mad dash somewhere. Mostly, we go home to Ohio. This year was no different. Though the kids aren’t off until the end of March, we picked them up at the end of the day Wednesday, then headed North for a long weekend.

The best way to start updating you on the state of our union is to give you the e-mail I sent my mother-in-law before the trip to answer her perfectly reasonable questions about our schedule and what my kids eat. Even that will take two parts. (I’ve stripped out all names except my immediate family’s.)

Part I Scheduling

Hi B.,

Sorry it’s taken me an age to get back to you. Thursday, we should be at your house by lunch. (Food ideas below (i.e. part II of this series).

My mother keeps forgetting we’re coming, and is incapable of committing to anything. I’ve been waiting with the vague hope that she’ll do so. I’ve given up and planned around her, ergo, the following runs like one of those logic problems they assign on the L-SAT. with apologies if something turns out not to work.

After lunch, the tenth is actually my Dad’s birthday. Scott and at least Sam will be staying with you for dinner. I may (or may not) take Caroline out to spend the night with Mom. Either way, I’m going to surprise Dad (who has no idea we’re coming) and take him out to dinner.

Friday, we’ll be with you for breakfast and lunch. At some point after lunch we all (you included, assuming you want to come) will trek to Mom’s and admire her renovated house in all its glory. (Possibly, we’ll swap Caroline and Sam. Possibly, we won’t have dropped Caroline on Thursday. We’ll definitely be dropping Sam on Friday, either way.) We’ll have dinner with Mom.

I’m going to attempt to take some kind of a family portrait inside the new house, but not a dressy one. I want to get you in it, but I’m NOT TELLING MOM that I’m going to do this, because she hates pictures, and I have zero family portraits with her in them. Every time I try, she finds an excuse and wriggles out. Half her problem is that she hates getting dressed up, so I’m going for a casual look that shows all of us can smile on cue.

Saturday, you’ve got your thing in the morning. I’ll trek out and retrieve Sam. We’re having lunch with Scott’s Dad & Ch. After that, weather permitting, we’re going to snag you and we’ll all go fossil-izing with Auntie Em. In theory, we’ll part ways at the fossil place after a couple of hours. Mom may meet us for this. Mom may be in outer space. Mom may have forgotten we ever came. However, if Caroline didn’t spend Thursday night with Mom, I’m going to take her to Mom’s on Saturday (because I can no longer let just one kid have a night-at-Nanny’s.) At any rate, Scott, Sam and I (and possibly Caroline) will be with you for dinner, if you haven’t thrown us off the roof by then.(Though, come to think of it, if Mom comes, we may all eat out.)

Sunday, we’ll get out of bed and go, stopping by Eastgate to rescue Caroline around 10 if she stayed overnight with Nanny.

And all of this is in theory, for which I apologize. You had no idea you got the daughter-in-law with contingency clauses instead of a prenuptial agreement. Though by now, you’re probably well aware.

 

About jesterqueen: Jessie Powell is the Jester Queen. She likes to tell you about her dog, her kids, her fiction, and her blog, but not necessarily in that order.