Trust issues

“Consider the avocado. Its disproportionate half-moon shell is even shaped like an ovary. The creamy flesh shelters a single seed. This is the very definition of ‘fruit’.”

Obdurate and nine, he replies, “Get off your high horse, Mom. Fruit is sweet.”

Mom protests, “Not all fruit. Not tomatoes…”

“Tomatoes aren’t fruit.”

“Yes they … look, we’ll Google it together.”

He says, “I don’t want to Google it.”

“Look at this page,” she says. “It explains vegetables can be fruits, but fruits can’t be vegetables.”

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Just eat your lunch, Jeremy.”

“I don’t like avocados.”

________________________________________________

I don’t think that this Mom is going to get her son to have faith that avocados are tasty. But I have faith that you’ll love Lance’s 100 word song meme! Go visit him here and add your own entry!

What the Hell Is This Meme Called Again

Amanda over at The Last Mom on Earth is one of the best writers I know. Or don’t know. I don’t know how the fuck cyber relationships work. And it’s more that I admire her. Not that I know her in the first place. ANYWAY. She routinely wins first prize over at the Trifecta writing challenge (and she should – dear JESUS the woman can write).

The point here is that she got tagged in a meme, and she, in turn, tagged everyone. I’ve been resisting this meme for awhile, though I don’t know why since I’m a huge quiz fan. Maybe I just like Amanda’s questions better or something. I give you a picture, ten random facts, and the answers to Amanda’s questions.

Picture:

Ten random facts:

1) My favorite word is fuck. But you knew that. I suppose that hardly makes it random, but there you go.

2) I wear my lucky underpants when things get stressful. The current pair has Mickey Mouse on them, but they are getting ready to wear out, and sometimes it’s ages before I figure out which pair the luck passed on to.

3) I grew up in the country but moved to the city. I wish for the country but know I couldn’t hack it anymore. (Also, I wrote the opposite of what I meant at first. Dumb fuck me.)

4) I am a nerd and proud of it.

5) I love my children and husband deeply, so deeply that I have no idea what I would do if I lost one of them. But they don’t complete me. That’s writing.

6) I am absolutely shitty at words with friends. If you want to win all the time, play me. (Though you’ll have to wait awhile between moves. I only have time a few times a week to play.) Sometimes, an awesome word will yield me an awesome score. Far more often, I’ll sacrifice points to make a really cool word that just feels pleasant on my tongue and under my fingers. Not to mention strategy was never my thing.

7) I loved Little Women as a kid. I hate it as an adult, though I am comforted that Louisa May Alcott wrote it knowing it went against all of her philosophies and largely so she could make a living. I hate Little Men even more.

8 ) I always want nifty socks for holidays , but I can’t understand why other people besides me would consider socks an exciting gift. I already know I’m easily amused.

9) I want to retire to Naples or Bonita Springs, Florida.

10) I can’t wait for my kids to get better at video games so we can really kick ass in Lego Star Wars together.  Or whatever is popular when they achieve Wiimote mastery.

 

#3 – Amanda’s Questions for Everybody:

1. What do you regret?

Grad school. I wish there was some other way I could have met Scott. We spent our lives living within an hour of each other. When I got lost in Cincinnati so badly that one of my mother’s friends had to rescue me, I drove past the Hardee’s where he worked getting to a pay phone. And we did not meet.  When I was in community theater, he was a prof at the college where we performed. But we did not meet.  It took grad school in a city two hours away to bring us together.

And I hate that. Grad school was one of the worst periods of my life. I should have been institutionalized (yes, really) but instead had to muddle through bipolar (with complications from a bad reaction to all birth control pills) and hateful routine by using my usual coping mechanisms which scare the shit out of other people. And I did that for two reasons. First, I couldn’t stand the thought of letting down people who loved me. I did not get those degrees for me. I mean, I went to Lexington because I thought I wanted them. But I realized it was going to take my writing away from me within a semester and wanted to quit.

So I got the degrees for my parents, who are the LAST people who would EVER force something like that onto a person.  And I got them because I was secretly grateful to Lexington for introducing me to Scott, and I wanted to say I got something besides my MRS in Grad School.

Now? I regret them, because without the financial stability of the backup career, I would be writing full time.

2. Are you happy, most of the time?

Yes. But when I’m not, oh baby take cover.
3. Tell me about one of your quirks.

I have a hard time keeping my opinion to myself. It’s not a nice quirk. But you didn’t say it had to be.
4. Top 5 musicians you want to bone.

I grew up with a rocker father, and that shaped my perceptions of musicians. I never looked at them as sexual objects. Seriously. I vaguely think of all of them as my Dad. Even the girls.

5. Do you feel like a lot of people know you?

No. Not enough. I want to be known by lots and lots of people. I had three friends in childhood. Two until I met Rachel in Science Fair. It left me Indelibly convinced of my inability to make and keep friends.

6. What are you reading? Is it good?

Stephen King, Full Dark, No Stars. And the reviewers who disliked it are fucktards. It’s great.

7. What did you go to school for? Was it a good choice?

See one. No, that’s not fair. I went because I wanted a backup career to being a writer, and I thought graduate degrees would give me that security. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

8. Are you in a lot of debt?

No. Scott and I both went through school on scholarships. That means we had no student debt to speak of. (And student debt is a pernicious thing.). We’re savers. We’ve got a mortgage, but that’s our only debt we don’t fully pay off at the end of each month.

SO that’s a good thing, right? It IS a good thing. I just wish it bought me room to do the thing I know is mine.

9. Where do you go on vacation?

Vermont, where Scott’s Mom grew up, and where a lot of her family still lives.

Ohio and Indiana. Family, friends.

And Naples, Florida, where I will someday live.

10. What makes you mad?

Many things. Here’s a few:

Injustice, adults who dumb things down for kids, that people I admire die before I get to meet them, that I am not a famous author, this damned house we live in (I have a love hate relationship with it), when my son gets up at 5AM and won’t go back to sleep, people who don’t listen to me or blow me off, that gel shit they call green slime and market as a toy.

I tag nobody. Unless they want for tagging. In which case, they can tag themselves and post as they wish in the comments.

Oh yes. The things I ask of the people I have not tagged.

1) What’s the craziest place you’ve had sex

2) Elvis walks by you. It’s really the REAL Elvis. You’re sure of it. Do you blow his cover?

3) Do you have a pet peeve?

4) Do you have a pet?

5) What is the most evil thing that has ever come in direct contact with you?

6) If you could afford it, what’s the first impractical thing you’d run out and buy?

7) How do you feel about zoos in the US? Outside the US?

8 ) Do you like or hate your hair (or its absence)?

9) Do you dream in color and of flying? (even if not at the same time)

10) Favorite mixed drink (pref. with recipe)

 

Ella’s Gun: Fiction

In the first rehearsal with the real gun, Ella screamed and raced over to make sure Aaron Meddins, who played the Gestapo Kriminal Assistent, hadn’t really been hit. It didn’t matter that she fired blanks.

But she had to control that fear, because Demons at the Door’s success hinged on creating Sister Edmund as a plausibly faith conflicted nun. She disarmed Daniel and his pregnant wife Freda when they first begged for shelter, but at the climax herself shot the Nazi who stumbled onto the convent’s hidden Jews.

“I’m fine,” Aaron said, then offered, “I’ll wink when you cross left. The audience won’t see.”

On opening night, that  gun felt heavy when Ella’s Sister Edmund snuck to its hiding place, and heavier still after she exited, waiting backstage for her cue to return.

Then, onstage, Freda said, “Please, our baby will come any day,” and Ella stepped into the sanctuary. Everything was as it had been in rehearsals, and yet different. She didn’t see her friends Aaron, Kera, and James. She saw a villainous gray-dressed monster menacing the quaking, pregnant Freda and her helpless husband. She regretted terribly taking the gun from Daniel, who would surely aim true now. She hated that she must be damned for a murderer, when the monster himself was yet a child of God. But for Daniel, and Freda, and their baby, and all the children hidden in the orphanage, Sister Edmund fired. The explosion rocked her back a little on her feet, and as the gray man fell, the Sister ran to the young couple. “To the cellar now, quickly,” she said. “He will have a partner somewhere.”

“But Sister Edmund,” Daniel protested.

“Go,” she commanded him. “We are all but God’s vulgar servants, and if I have offended His eyes, then I will answer to Him.”

As Freda and Daniel scurried away, Aaron winked at Ella. And Sister Edmund, seeing that flutter of an eye, thought that the monster might just need some more killing.

_______________________________________

This week at Trifecta, the word is vulgar.

 

 

 

 

And over at Story Dam, the weekly Linkup asks for a story where a character takes a stand.

Stations of the Cross

Stations of the Cross: A Prosaic Response to John Ashbery’s Poem “The Ecclesiast”

The man left oilslick footprints, bright, then dark, mottled sometimes, variegated and unexpected. He was homeless certainly, under his burden of layered clothing and multiple grocery bags, followed by the rank decay of life. And yet, every step forward made a new color on the pavement.  He gave the impression of someone from an earlier time, a medieval peddler or Christ under the cross, no Simon to bear his burden.

He walked with a staggering gait, as if the unevenly distributed grocery bags pulled him constantly off balance. He passed a building full of children, and they were outside, drawing on the pavement. They tittered at his footprints and pointed. He crouched low in front of one of them, and nearly at once an adult swooped down to take her away.

She dropped her chalk. He took that and, working on all fours, began his own picture, just the tips of his toes leaving rainbow trails almost indistinguishable from the children’s art. The group fled from him, crowded around the teachers, and he took all the ways of writing for himself. They should have left, then, but they watched the man.

He crawled around and drew a giant sunflower, using whatever color he had on hand, without regard for appropriate proportions. And when he had finished, he said, “This is my manikin,” to no one at all, because the teachers and children had finally gone back inside, “My œcumenic and my truttaceous.” And then he ate the chalk he had used to write out his intentions. White powder and blue crusted down his matted beard while he went on consuming the meaning of his life.

A little boy came out of the building with his mother. They walked past the chalk-eating man towards the subway. They did not notice when the man crumbled and blew away in the breeze, like so much crushed stone.  Or that his footprints got up and walked on without him, zigzagging just as before, as if, having been once sent in motion, they could not then be stopped. The custodian came and hosed down the sunflower and the children’s art, but no matter how hard he tried, he could not make the footprints fade. The water ran down to the street, chasing those colorful aberrations, chastising them for their trespasses.

 

“And what to you am I?” the dead man cries. “Monsignor, will answer thee to me?”

Tired, the voice answers “You are as honey to the air.”

Then both of them blow away on the wind, the wind, the wind.

Somewhere, hear the jackhammer cackle. It is learning how to pray, how to speak a rosary of beaten exclamation points into the street. Steel on cement, it stamps out damnation, perdition on the guilty road that has watched the innocents bleed and the guilty run, that holds in all its secrets, refusing to tell, to tell.

 

A little girl sat on the steps with her mother. “I see the moon,” she said, “in the middle of the day.”

“That happens sometimes,” her mother agreed.

“It’s pale,” said the child, “like it forgot to paint itself into the sky.”

The mother added, “Or like it couldn’t be bothered.”

“Lazy moon,” the girl teased.

Then she got out her jump rope and went down to the sidewalk to skip and chant. A family came out of the building behind her mother, pouring down the steps together in white dresses, shirts, and ties, like they meant to climb up and color the moon. One pale child in this group wore blue, and she joined the jumproper, leaping easily into the first girl’s rhythm. They sang

Sixteen bluebirds sitting on a fence
Flapped their wings and started to dance
Upward, downward, All along the line
Flapping their wings and looking fine
Count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Don’t miss a beat to stay alive.

And

Blue bells cockle shells
Evie, Ivy, Over,
I like coffe, I like tea,
I like boys, and boys like me,
Yes, no maybe so
Dance with me before you go.

Their patter travelled up the building, setting in motion a flight of pigeons, which beat the air with wings of dirty gray and white. As the birds settled back, the blue girl’s mother called to her from the curb, where the bus was approaching. The child danced out of the rope as easily as she had bounded in, but then the first girl stopped twirling to wave.

“Well, there’s that,” said the first mother, waving, too, and beckoning her child to come inside for dinner as the noise set the pigeons aloft once more.

 

They cackle their catechism down the darkening alley, “Feed me, will you feed me? Will you feed me?” And “Gone, I am gone, I am gone.”

Now come see the station, hear the train, the metal on metal crushing down of souls. Do you feel the brakes squeal and hiss, see the wheels creak and roll. Of steam stacks we have none, but smoke aplenty. For the engine is the driver, is the man, is the woman, is the child, is the cradle. And bouncing and swaying, it ever goes faster, faster now, faster, carrying upward like wisps of hope, the passengers’ prayers. Bearing downwards, ever downward towards the tunnel, where the dark popcorns over, turns inside out with a drop of water and some heat. And the train that darkness spits out on the other side of light is never the one that entered it in the first place.

________________________________________________________

For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, Crosshavenharpist challenged me with “‘Fine vapors escape from whatever is doing the living.
The night is cold and delicate and full of angels
Pounding down the living.’~ from ‘the Ecclesiast’ by John Ashbery” and I challenged Allyson with “I’m certain you’re an honest young man. Nonetheless, I need concrete proof before I can make an accusation of that nature”

Here is John Ashbery reading “The Ecclesiast”. It’s an mp3 file, and depending on your speed, it will take a minute to run, but poems are meant to be heard and best heard spoken by their poets. It is worth it.

Three notes:

1) The tense shifts are deliberate

2) ‘Popcorn’ is a verb in the last paragraph.

3) I have chosen to ignore the fact that Phillip Pullman used this last stanza in the final book of His Dark Materials. I love the series. I loathe the conclusion and haven’t forgiven Pullman for shoehorning Lyra and Will into a form with contrived reasoning for the sake of literary convention.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
This was a challenge that required a little research, so what follows is a bibliography. Sorry. I’m an academic. And damn it, Madame Syntax made me do it.  I doubt this is relevant to the IndieInk challenge, but Madame is still pissed off at The Jester Queen and The Bitch for offering to flush her head over her fondness for long words, and I’m giving her the win here.

Inspired and informed by the following works

Ashbery, John. “The Ecclesiast”.  Verbal Armor. Haidi 1966; 17 June 2006. Web. 3 March 2012. < http://verbalarmor.blogspot.com/2006/06/ecclesiast.html >

—.       “The Ecclesiast”. From Rivers and Mountains. Pennsound at the University of Pennsylvania. Web. [1966?], n.d. 3 March 2012. < http://media.sas.upenn.edu/pennsound/authors/Ashbery/Living-Theatre-1963/Ashbery-John_03_The-Ecclesiast_The-Living-Theatre_9-16-63.mp3 >

Kiernan, Peter. “Anatomy of  Poem – John Ashbery”. Peter Kiernan: Trainee Philosopher. 22 Jan 2012. Web. 3 March 2012. < http://peterkiernan.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/anatomy-of-a-poem-john-ashbery/ >

Lochman, Daniel. “Divus Dionysius: Authority, Self, and Society in John Colet’s Reading of the Ecclesiastical Hierarchy”. Journal of the History of Ideas. (Jan 2007): 1-34. Web. 3 March, 2012.

Stevens, Wallace. “Gray Room”. Paying Attention To the Sky.  1917; 3 May 2011. Web. 3 March 2012. < http://payingattentiontothesky.com/2011/05/03/gray-room-1917-by-wallace-stevens/ >

Suárez-Toste, Ernesto. “The Tension Is in the Concept”: John Ashbery’s Surrealism

Style38. 1 (Spring 2004): 1-15,143,146. Web. 3 March, 2003.

[“Wallace Stevens “A Figure like Ecclesiast”] Paying Attention To the Sky. 3 May 2011. Web. 3 March 2012. < http://payingattentiontothesky.com/2011/05/03/gray-room-1917-by-wallace-stevens/ >

 

Hair of the dog

The phone rang at 4AM. “Jesus, Richard!” groaned Patricia, “How many have you had?” Richard’s silence suggested quite a lot.

“Please,” he said.

Grinding her teeth, she growled, “This time only and then no more. This time only.”

______________________

This weekend, Trifextra is asking us to finish the story launched by the words “The phone rang at 4am”. Not counting those four, we have 33 words to tell the whole tale.

Friday Fluff, March 2, 2012

If you’re new to the Jester Queen, every week, I participate in a meme in which grown women tackle absurd teenager issues, as phrased by the presumed teens themselves over on Quizopolis. Men can play, too, so Lance, get on board man. This week’s questions come from here. I link up with Lisa over at Seeking Elevation and if you head that way, you can pick up her answers, follow through to other fluffers’ links, and find out about her feral-haired daughter.

Normally, my quiz answers aim only to make you laugh yourself out of your chair. However, this week’s quiz is a little more serious, and I know I’ve acquired a couple of new readers since I migrated last week. Therefore, let me preface my quiz with a couple of warnings, since this is a little different than most of the content you’ll find on my blog.

1) I have a blue tongue. F-bombs explode from my mouth and onto my blog at a rate four times as fast as the growth of the national debt.  OK, that’s actually not any different from normal at all. But this week’s one nonfiction piece was pretty warm and fuzzy, so if you AREN’T used to my non-fiction, consider yourself warned.

2) I’m rampantly liberal. Again, not really any different, but I don’t typically engage in politics on Jester Queen.

If you disagree with me about these issues, feel free to tackle it in the comments. Be as caustic and sarcastic as you like (I’m probably setting myself up big time here, but I’m pretty damned caustic and sarcastic below, so I feel it’s only fair). I may or may not choose to respond to caustic sarcasm, mind, as I’ll assume you’re answering me tone for tone, and I don’t want to start a hate-war on my blog. But unless you engage in ethnic or homophobic slurs, I won’t delete you or be offended by you just because we don’t agree and you use the same attitude as me.

 Onward fluffers:


1) Do you think that gay marriage should be legal? 
Of course I do. I am an outspoken advocate of marriage equality.  Scott and I both support fairness, and I yearn for the day when people just refer to ‘marriage’ without qualifying straight from gay.

2) Do you think that gays should be allowed to seve in the military? 

No.  My GOD we can only assume that the missing letter in that word is ‘r’, and if we start allowing military people of any sexual orientation to start SEVERING things randomly…just think of the IMPLICATIONS. MY GOD I OPPOSE THIS.

If, perhaps, the missing ‘r’ falls before the ‘v’, on the other hand, then I support it wholeheartedly.

3) What do you think about people who don’t believe in god? 

I think I’ll psychoanalyze that question. The very fact that you ask it, and in such a loaded way, suggests that you do believe in god and that you are out there judging those who don’t. The word is ‘atheists’, though I think you might be allergic to such terminology. I wouldn’t want you to break out in hives, so be sure to take a Benadryl before you read my answer.  Ready? My answer: See 4.

4) Are you pro life or pro choice? 

This time you have at least chosen less loaded terminology, identifying both camps by their own chosen monikers. So I’ll over-analyze the monikers instead. The phrase ‘pro-life’ implies that anyone who supports abortion in any way is ‘anti-life’. There’s not much to parse about ‘pro-choice’, though I do see a lot of “it’s a child, not a choice” bumper stickers around here. I’m guessing that loaded answer tells you which group I support. In case not, read this article by Anne Lamott. (I’ve been dying to get me some Anne Lamott in this blog. She IS one of my personal Gods. Other than the people we respect and honor above all others, I am not sure whether or not there is a real God, though Lamott, who is Christian, would not share my opinion)

5) Do you think we should test on animals? 

I had some tests run on my dog just the other day! They all came back negative, thank God. He doesn’t have alarming worms, parvo, or even a stomach virus. Turns out, the problem was what I feared all along. He barfed all over the living room because he ate an entire box of Cheez-Itz including the cardboard when he got pissed off at me for waiting to feed him until I got back from picking up the kids the other day. I’d have been seriously worried if we hadn’t tested.

6) How do you feel about illegal immigration? 

For expediency’s sake, I’ll assume that you’re really asking about illegal immigration from Mexico. You could mean from other countries, but given the nature of the quiz, I really fucking doubt it.

We are ignorant fools in the United States. We take our own wealth for granted and forget that we live in better conditions than most of the world. In the 19th century, we invented nasty things like the Chinese Exclusion Act  because we were just dead sure the nation was going to be overrun by Chinese laborers.

Now, we’re paranoid about Mexicans taking over the country. Fuck. I say we scrub Emma Lazarus off the statue of liberty. Here. I’ll let The Bitch write the new plaque inscription.

The New Mother Teresa

Not like that Mother of generous fame
With withered face and open loving hands
Here at our sea-washed sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the lyingest beacon, and her name
Mother of Hypocrites. Her zombie hand
Glows world-wide false hope; her blank eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities fame.
“Stay back, you undeserving wretch,” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me instead your rich,
Your white people yearning for the free
Market. Let them come scratch that Wall Street itch.
Send not, the homeless tempest-tost to me,
I say, come only wealthy to this bitch.”

7) Do you think it is ethical to do stem cell research? 
The question exposes your ignorance, as it presumes that all stem-cell research is embryonic stem-cell research. It demonstrates no awareness of adult stem-cell research or  induced pluripotent stem-cell research.

And yes. Whichever of those three forms you are discussing, I do support it. But then, as established in question 4, I’m anti-Life to begin with.

8 ) Should be get rid of the death penalty? 

Oooh, Rasta time! Let’s set a laid back beat. With a

boom chicky-chicky-chick
da boom cha cha chicky-chik

… now everybody SING. Let me hear you SING!

Should be get rid of de deat’ penalty?
Should be? Ya, Mon, I tink, maybe so.
(Dat is all. You may stop singing now.)

Since I’m so anti-life, I probably ought to say ‘no’. However, my real answer is that it can’t go away soon enough. For me, the answer has less to do with economics (though that’s valid) than with horror. There are innocent people on death row. The Innocence Project  has established that. Has, in fact, saved a few. How can we consider ourselves a just people if we knowingly execute even one innocent person? I’m talking about people who were already living sentient beings here, and I do distinguish between that and embryos or fetuses.  I’m all in favor of revenge. But in this day and age, it is often completely impossible to be sure that you are carrying out your revenge on the right person. I suppose it was always impossible, but now it is even less so.  There is no just way to impose a death penalty with absolute certainty that only the guilty will die.

9) Is torture ever acceptable? 

No. Fuck no. Plain and simple.

10) Should the government have a say on our diets? 
Madame Syntax? Would you care to address this question while I go eat another Pop Tart?

Yes, Jester Queen, I’ll be happy to do so.

 Many students fail to appropriately use the term ‘on’. In spoken English, “on” frequently replaces other prepositions like ‘in’ and ‘about’.  However, this is not acceptable in written language. In this case, the appropriate wording would be “Should the government have a say about our diets?”  You’re welcome. Have you finished that Pop Tart yet, Jester?

Yes, thanks, I’ll take care of the next one

11) Should the alcoholic drinking age be increased or decreased? 

I would feel very uncomfortable stating an age at which it is acceptable for one to become an alcoholic. I would, in fact, propose that it is never a good idea.

12) Should cigarette smoking be banned?

In public places, yes. I grew up around secondhand smoke.  It still affects my breathing, even though I have not been consistently around it for over a decade now. A public ban wouldn’t have fixed my early problems, but it sure would limit them now.

Whew. That was some intense fluffing there. I’m thinking this week we got pretty hard core. Next week, we will return you to your regularly scheduled bullshit. In the interest of peace in the valley and such, I believe I’ll end with a warm fuzzy picture of Sam.

See what I did there? He is warm and the picture is fuzzy. I crack me up.

____________________________________________________________

That’s it for now, people. Until next week, may the Fluff be with you.

 

 

Language of Love

Give me forty minutes, and I’ll whip you up a batch of cookies. Make it an hour, and I’ll throw in a beef vegetable soup. My mother taught me to cook starting at a very young age, and I learned more from my grandfather as I grew older. I have taken their recipes and made them my own. When I feel helpless, I bake for friends. If you are sick, if someone has died, I cannot make your problem go away. But I will listen to you. And I will cook for you. I speak my love in chocolate chips.

 

_______________________

Hey! Lance liked my entry for last week’s 100 Word Song contest so well that he let me pick this week’s song. I chose Dimming of the Day, one of my favorite Richard and Linda Thompson songs. Lance has Bonnie Raitt’s fabulous cover of it embedded over at the contest. Can you imagine the acrimony they set aside to sing this? My response above is not what I expected to write. Music is one of the places I turn when I’m stressed, and these songs and artists in particular. Cooking is another. So I think of the two together.

_____________________________________

I’m also hooking up with Shell over at Things I Can’t Say, because I haven’t poured my heart out to her in ages.

Studio Time

Nick adjusted the mic. “Testing,” he said. The leader gave him a brief thumbs up. Two other session singers flanked him in the tiny recording cubicle, and they all patted their white headphones. Nick’s felt too tight around his skull, but he didn’t make adjustments.
The leader said, “OK, scratch vocals for ‘Life of Death’” then held up a hand to count down visually.

Nick sang “Death chanced upon me in the hall.”

The women on either side of him echoed “ha-a-ll”.

Just outside the cubicle, the leader kept unnecessary time with the same hand he had used for the countdown, and Nick sang, “But I refused to fall.” The headphones pinched.

The women sang, “fall”.

Nick watched the leader’s hand pumping the song’s rhythm, like drumming in the air. In the space between one empty tap and the next, Nick broke out into a sweat. He sang, “I said don’t call on me,” call on me, “I’m living can’t you see” oh can’t you see, “And living my life tall” So ta-all.

Perspiration flooded down Nick’s face. He tried to draw breath, but it caught in his chest, and instead of belting out the next lyric, he clawed at his throat. He tore off the wretched headphones and slammed himself against the cubicle.

“Nick what’s wrong?”

The session leader’s face loomed large outside the glass, and then it changed. Death had not passed Nick in the hall. It had come for him right here in the studio. It stepped through the leader and extended a single bony finger.

Unencumbered by the flesh mortals take for granted, it passed through the glass and straddled Nick. He clutched his soul, wanting the right song to dispel it, to cast it aside so he could go on breathing. But there were no more songs left. No more words. Death had come to call, and it left Nick voiceless.

____________________________

This week, the Trifecta editors assigned us the third definition of wretched. Typically, I let my writing stand on its own. If you have to ask me “huh?”, and I have to be all explanatory, then I haven’t done my job. Sometimes, I am deliberately unclear on certain points.

However. I think you can understand the story perfectly well from the words above, and a small primer will not hurt and may, indeed, enhance your reading.  If this becomes at any time a case of I-suffered-through-this-research-and-now-it’s-your-turn, then just stop reading.  As I say, if the piece doesn’t stand alone, I haven’t done my job.

In the recording industry (not so much with indie groups and labels), before a band lays down a track, the studio will often pay to have a scratch track made. This is sort of like pre-washing the dishes. It’s  a rough cut of the song, typically mostly vocals, to give the better known musicians something to listen to when they lay down the final parts. Scratch tracks are recorded by studio or session musicians, who are paid a flat union fee for their work. The session is guided by a session leader, typically someone who knows how to get the most out of three hours of studio time.

So. That’s who Nick and his colleagues are here. The research is actually something I did for my novel  Divorce: A Love Story, that came in handy here.

Curve of the tree

When people asked about Johnna’s dark skin and hair and her grey-violet eyes, her mother Manda said,  “She was my surprise baby.” Those traits, especially the eyes, belonged to the Auric tribe, whose standing with the ruling council was never stable. So the askers usually pretended to think Johnna was descended from her stepfather, even though she looked nothing like him or her younger siblings on that side.

Her father, when Johnna saw him once a year, was more honest. “Pfft. Accident,” he said. “The caravan leader had a fetching daughter, and I had a terminal problem keeping up my drawers.”

Johnna grew up among her mother’s folk, nomadic  traders who settled into their mountain valley only in hard winter. Manda polished and mounted gems in cunning settings. She twisted necklaces , bracelets, and rings into life.  Johnna took the name Cooper from her stepfather. He soaked wood and banded it into casks. All winter long, his shop was alive with the sounds of hammering, and summers, he set up with the blacksmith in his travelling forge to keep working.

Johnna herself was apprenticed to the bowwright, and she had nimble fingers and patient hands. She chose feathers and wood  all summer long as they traveled.  Then, she sat with Darric in his wagon in summer and in his shop in the cold months, and he guided her hands as she smoothed the wood to a shine and notched it for stringing . “Every tree has a curve, no matter how slight,” Darric said. “Pay attention to that as you work; make the bow conform to that natural shape.”  She used the feathers to fletch arrows, where she also mounted the sharp little tips she whittled down from flint or obsidian.

Increasingly, Johnna’s next oldest sister minded their brothers so their parents could sell the family’s goods. Johnna often went with Darric now. They were watched closely, the sandy haired bachelor and his young apprentice. And they were careful, never alone long, because tongues wagged in their tribe. It wasn’t something they spoke of, but in the summer, if Darric went into the wagon for something, Johnna made a point to sit up front. Or if she needed something in back, he took the reins or tended to the horses in some other way, so that everyone could see they were not alone in the dark. Winters, they sat in his shop, perched on stools, the door open to outside, even though it was cold.

Johnna slighted her friends to hone the craft she loved. It wasn’t just making the bows and arrows, but testing them. Darric taught her how to hunt and shoot true, so she could know her own work’s quality. Then too, she earned a little money, because Darric put her pieces alongside his in every town, only telling which had been made by the prentice when pressed. She kept this cash secreted with her stepfather’s barrels. Her peers might overlook her darker skin and hair and her purple tinted eyes, but none of them had the skill to earn money from their prenticeships yet. They would say Darric favored her, perhaps even that he was courting her, if they knew he gave her money of her own.

She was just now fifteen, the age her mother had been at her own birth. Young by her people’s standards standards.  Still, one of her friends was already betrothed. Sari meant to marry outside the tribe. Her vocation ran more towards growing things, skills that made her ill suited for a nomadic life. She was engaged to a farmer near Derrydown, and if they still liked each other when they met again next summer, her parents would let the wedding go forward.   Johnna did not want a husband yet. She was friendly with a number of boys, and she supposed she would go with one of them when the time came.

Then came her father’s letter, sent with a straggler who had to stop and replace a wheel and barely crossed the passes before the mountain snows isolated the village for winter. “My wife died,” her father wrote. She had been heavy with their third when the caravan passed through Auricstead the previous fall, and Johnna could guess how she passed.

The letter went on, “I have a wet nurse for the babe, and I can manage for the winter. But come Spring, I must built up my hut again and add a new room to take a new wife in the fall. I would pay a good wage if you came and watched your sisters until late summer.”

Johnna’s mother laughed when she saw the note. “He was always so direct,” she said.

“He doesn’t make it sound very appealing,” Johnna said.

“He doesn’t at that,” Manda agreed.

“He says he doesn’t want the appearance of an affair,” Johnna told Manda, quoting the letter.  “It’s one thing to have loose drawers when you’re a young man, but a widower best be clear he isn’t buttering both sides of his bread.”

Johnna’s mother laughed again. “So direct,” she repeated. “But think about it,” she went on. “There are grandmothers he can hire among the Auric if that’s his reason. It’s a side way in for you he’s offering, if you want to take it.”

“And if I don’t?”

Johnna’s mother shrugged, smiled. “Then you don’t,” she said.

Later, sitting with Darric, both of them sanding bows, Johnna said, “My father wants me to sit with my sisters for two seasons.”

“Oh?” Johnna no more discussed her parentage with Darric than she did the reasons they must always leave the door open when someone wasn’t in the shop.

“His wife died,” she went on. “Mother says he’s giving me a chance to be an Auric.”

“And do you want that?” Darric set aside his bow and watched her.

Since he had set his work down, Johnna did the same, but that left her nothing to do with her suddenly anxious hands. “No,” she said, gripping the edges of the stool. “But I do want…” it was hard to put into words what she wanted.

“You want them to acknowledge you,” said Darric. “You want them to stop looking around you and pretending you are purely the Cooper’s daughter from the Arom tribe.”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I want.”

Darric picked up his work once more, allowing Johnna to do the same. He sanded awhile, smooth long strokes that Johnna tried to imitate on her own bow. After a time, Darric said, “You would rejoin us when the caravan came through in fall?”

“Of course. I hadn’t thought of actually going,” Johnna told him. “I don’t like to lose two seasons learning.”

Darric smiled. “You wouldn’t lose a thing if you kept working. And you would have time to gather a fair amount of wood in two seasons.” He didn’t have to tell her that some of the most expensive bows he sold were teak or that the time the Arom spent in the southern woodlands was too short for his liking. But the caravan had to hurry by then, to get back to the northern mountains before the heavy snows and ice came.

Johnna thought of the Auric forests, where Darric had traded some sixteen of his best bows last year for enough wood to make just five more. He expected to sell those for more than every other bow now in the shop, and Johnna was to craft one of them.

“You think they would let me take their wood?”

“I think if we finish three of those,”  he pointed to the unstarted wood standing in a corner of the shop, “and you take them with you, they will  buy them for a cost and be willing to open their forest to us both. They will see the value to themselves in what we sell.”

Johnna put down her work again, this time to cross to the corner where the teak waited. She ran her fingers lightly over her piece.  “That would be something,” she said. It wasn’t just that Auric teak was a strong hardwood. It was infused with Auric magic simply from growing where they lived, and sanded and fitted right, those bows shot truer than any in the world.  “That would be something,” Johnna repeated.

“Your father would teach you a little of their skill,” Darric went on. “Think about the weapons you could make. There hasn’t been a hunter mage since before my father’s time.”

Johnna looked up sharply. “But Darric,” she said, “I don’t fly! The Auric mages all fly.”

“Yes you do!” he countered. “Or you did anyway. When you were a babe in arms your mother and grandmother tied a little string to your ankle and towed you behind them like a kite.”

“How would I fly, Darric? I don’t have wings!”

“Well I don’t know where they went, but you used to. I wasn’t quite an apprentice myself, but I remember the arrows my father fletched with your feathers were said to never miss their mark.”

Johnna stared at Darric, her mouth slightly open, her hands dangling limp at her side. Then she reached behind herself and patted across her shoulder blades, as if she expected wings to have sprouted out of her shirt while they were talking. Forgetting her coat on its nail by the hearth, she turned and walked out of the shop.

In the street, she ran all the way home and burst in on Manda setting a piercing green emerald in a delicate lady’s ring. Normally, she would never have disturbed her mother at work, but now, she no more saw the ring than she did the wood left behind in Darric’s shop.

“Johnna, what happened, child?” Manda exclaimed.

“Darric says I used to fly!”

“Well yes, “ her mother said. “Your feathers stopped growing in when you started walking. But your father told me they would come back if you ever wanted them.”

“Well why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“You never seemed very interested in your father’s people.”

“I guess I wasn’t until now,” said Johnna.  She sat down on the hearth and watched Manda.

Manda went back to the gem. “You’ve met your baby sisters,” she said. “They could do with a bit of family right now, and you have a good hand with the littles.”

“I suppose so.” Johnna ran her hand across her shoulders again. Her whole back had started itching when Darric first told her she used to fly. “But I’m not Auric!” she burst out.

Now Manda laughed out loud. “Of course you are,” she said. “You’re as Auric as you are Arom, dear.”

“I mean I couldn’t stay with them. What if I got there and they tried to keep me?”

“Their trouble with the ruling council has always been they keep people out, not that they force them in.”

“And father says,” again the hand across her own shoulders, “that if I want to fly, my feathers will come back?”

“Yes. The flight isn’t something external.  It’s stored within your body. Find a way to work it out.”

Johnna thought her body was working those feathers out all on its own from just that brush of thought. She felt needles of pain all down her spine, and it was all she could do to keep from tearing her shirt off and running bare-chested into the winter air to cool the stinging.

It was that pain far more than her mother’s words that made her believe Darric. She would not lose ground in two seasons with the Auric. Instead, she would gather wood and knowledge. She would learn to train her bows with foresight, so a hunter might see, an instant before releasing the string, if the shot would fly true or if it should be held back, the arrow unwasted.

Now her back felt like live embers had sparked onto it from the fire behind her. She lurched to her feet and then she did struggle out of her shirt. It was growing too tight, and she thought the wings would shred it. Manda looked up again from the gem, then set it swiftly aside to help her daughter.  Johnna collapsed against her mother, who swayed, but held her upright as blood spilled down the girl’s sides and her back and shoulders erupted into a riot of brightly colored feathers.

After a few minutes, her mother asked “Are you all right?”

Johnna made a little sound then said, “Tender.”

“I should say.” Manda lowered Johnna to her knees. “I’m going to get a robe for you to put on backwards,  then I’ll take you down to the springs. We can stop at the apothecary for numbing powder.”

Johnna sank down to rest on her arms, which quaked. She felt top heavy and off kilter. She thought then that  she would go to the Auric, to care for her sisters and to learn what to do with herself. She would not stay more than the two seasons, and even that would be hard for someone so used to travel.

She held in her mind the fixed image of that teak wood sitting in Darric’s shop. She felt as though she held it already, smoothing, polishing, and notching the wood. This she would take, along with Darric’s two finished bows, to sell to her father’s tribe. But the next one she made, she meant to keep for herself, to learn to hunt in a whole new way.  She barely minded that she would miss Sari’s wedding.  She had larger things to do in her fifteenth summer, and in spite of her weakness and her pain, she found herself smiling when Manda came back into the room.

For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, Kim Nelson challenged me with “It is stored within your body. Find a way to work it out.” and I challenged Carrie with “Lazy dogs”

Friday Fluff February 23, 2012

Dear readers,

Friday Fluff is going up early (even before the linkup is open) because The Jester Queen is moving. It shouldn’t look or feel any different to you. If I’m doing this right, you won’t notice anything different, and there shouldn’t be any downtime. However, the process takes between 36 and 48 hours, and I’m not going to lie and say I’m not scared shitless. If you are used to getting e-mails from me, you won’t get one Friday, Saturday, or possibly Sunday. Or, I don’t know how this works, maybe Saturday, Sunday, and dear god surely that’s all. BUT. The e-mails and new content should resume on Monday, which means that if you don’t hear from me, PLEASE visit http://jesterqueen.com and resubscribe to my blog. Everyone at bluehost says this is not necessary. BUT I AM TERRIFIED that I’m about to ditch a following I’ve worked really hard to build up.

Also, I’ve got to get my Friday Fluff up early so I can copy and export my site. I’ll save my Whitney tribute to be the first post of the new blogennium. My Life in Music is up and running right now, and if you want to post about how Whitney has (or has not) affected your life, you can jump right on in over here:

 

 

You don’t have to love Whitney to participate! I am the Jester Queen, and as tragic as I find her death, my post won’t be the standard tribute. I’m coming to bury Caesar, not praise her, to mangle me some Shakespeare, and you can contribute your own experience, whether positive, negative, or neutral. Just tell us what she means to you!

Now, to the fluff. This week’s questions come from here, a survey by a dolt who clearly is missing the basic punctuation buttons on his or her keyboard. Briefly, I’ll go over them. Period . Comma , AND Quesion mark ?. Just place those wherever you think them necessary.

Do you think people are good

No. I think we are neutral at best. There’s some study that I’m not looking up that says that we are all predisposed to believe our own intentions are good while others’ intentions are bad. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about normal people being able to justify slaughtering entire families. Not just during the Holocaust, but in the Balkans, in Rwanda, and in Darfur. We are malleable, and under the right circumstances extraordinarily cruel. There are points of extraordinary generosity, but on the whole, these behaviors are less common than simple herd mentality. If the herd is doing good, many people will do good. If the herd is doing evil? Well…

Do you like meeting people

You’d think not after that last answer, wouldn’t you. But I’m actually very fond of meeting new friends.

Do you shake hands

Odd question. It’s very hard to avoid it, although some are adept at offering only a fingertip to avoid crushing. Mostly, I hug.

Is a good handshake important

That sounds sexual. Like, “Baby, come home early tonight, and I’ll give you a good handshake” {eye waggle}

Do you get along with the oposite sex

Spelling fail. The opposite sex and I were having a great time the other night when we “shook hands”… oh you mean platonic friendship. Yeah.

Do you like being around small children

No. I was surprised to find out that I’m fond enough of my own to willingly spend time in their company on a regular basis. And don’t ever make the mistake of shaking one of their hands. PLATONICALLY.

Do you like yourself

You don’t fool me with your mastrubation questions. What started with a handshake ends with the sound of one hand … uh … clapping.

Do you have a best friend

I do.

Do you think your a good friend

I have HAD it with Your. Your and I were finished back when he pulled the Easter Bunny stunt. Fool me once, shame on you(r), fool me twice shame on me. Nuh-uh. Your and I are through.

Do you listen to gossip

Of course, if someone is speaking it. Do I act on it? Depends on whether or not the gossiper and I are on a handshaking basis. {Eye waggle}

Do you think midgets are funny

Hey asshole, I hate prejudice.

Do you feel sorry for fat people

I am a fat person, and I rarely pity myself for it.

Is it funny when someone falls

Falls In love? Falls out of an airplane? Falls down the steps? Falls on banana peels?  Falls down while “shaking hands”? CONTEXT PEOPLE.

Do you like animals

I liked the cow I ate for dinner very much. The chicken wasn’t bad either. But I did NOT shake their hands. Or hooves. Or … whatever the hell you call chicken feet.

Do you help people alot

I sicced Allie Bosch’s alot on one of you people, and I will do it again. Right now. There. Be sure you SHAKE HANDS with it.

Do you do random nice things for people

Clearly, Allie needs to train her alot.  You’re still writing. Yes, I commit random acts of kindness, because I love to flip people out.

I’ll be linking this up with Lisa over at Seeking Elevation. Other than that, see you Sunday or Monday. Gulp.