And what came after

 

Becky’s whisper jerked Marilyn out of sleep.  “It’s under my bed again.”

Marilyn muttered, “Honey, you’re nine years old. Use your flashlight.”

Becky didn’t say anything. Marilyn cocked one eye and didn’t see her daughter. Then she opened the other one. “Really?” she said to the darkened room. “The one night she actually sleeps, and I have to dream her coming in. Damn this house.” It was too soon. The divorce was too fresh. She should have stayed in the a few more months instead of uprooting Becky in the middle of the school year.  She jerked the pillows into a new shape, turned over and pulled the blankets tightly around her.

She couldn’t get back to sleep, even though her whole body felt heavy. She kept turning over, looking for the source of the whisper. Finally, she rolled up to sitting and squinted at the clock. 3:25. She fumbled for her glasses and stood.

The carpet squelched underfoot. “What?” She sat back down.  She turned on the lamp and gaped at her room. Black. A wide river of black ichor oozed from the open bathroom door. She had to scoot all the way down to the end of the bed to get up without stepping in it a second time. Then, the effort was for nothing, because she had squash one foot down in chunky slime to get close enough to reach inside the bathroom and turn on the light. The toilet was gone. Where it should have been, a hole in the floor spat vile matter two feet into the air before it oozed down silently to the floor. Why didn’t I hear that happen?

When did the odor come? She noticed it now, fetid and fecal, but it seemed like she had already been smelling it. The back of her mouth felt coated. She pulled one arm up over her nose and gagged, then did an about face and retreated, forcing herself to wade through the nasty stream to grab her cell phone. On the way to the hall, she smeared her feet on some dirty laundry in the floor that hadn’t been touched by the disaster, hoping to minimize damage to the rest of the house.

Where was the commode?

She stopped three steps down the hall. Where the hell was the commode? It didn’t just evaporate. She wanted to get downstairs and find the plumber’s number, where it hung on a coupon on her fridge. Did I overlook it? She hadn’t been expecting to use that coupon so soon after moving in, but now she was very glad her real estate agent had given it to her in the packet of papers including her deed and a thousand pages of mortgage information. But how do you overlook the john?

She turned back to her bedroom and picked her way to the bathroom once more. She gagged again putting her foot down into the sludge to look in.

She stared hard at the disgusting spout. The toilet was gone, she concluded once more. Or not gone, really, but under that. The stuff was spewing out of the can itself. What she had taken for a hole in the floor was the pool where the sewage collected before starting its inexorable journey across the room and into the bedroom. As it moved, it blorped in a shushing whisper, a little like a human voice. A little like Becky’s voice. Well, now she knew what woke her up anyway.

I’m just glad I caught it now, before it got out. She tried to shut the bathroom door now, hoping to contain the flow, but this unregulated stream had mass. She couldn’t make it stop. My God I hope my insurance covers this. She tried not to think about the destruction and focused instead on solutions. She needed that plumbers number, and she hoped they had an emergency line.

Marilyn retraced her steps to the hall, stopping again to scrape her feet on dirty clothing that would have to be thrown away. On her way to the stairs, she stopped in front of Becky’s door. She thought it had rattled. She didn’t want to wake her daughter up to this mess But what if she’s up already? What if she heard something I slept through? “Beck? That you?”

No answer, but the door rattled again.

“It’s OK. You can come out, sweetie. Mommy’s potty’s doing something gross.”

The door rattled a third time.

“Becky?” Marilyn turned the handle and felt resistance when she pushed. “Honey, let me in.” Slowly, the door yielded. Paper blew out across Marilyn’s feet. Wadded up receipts and billowing notes. She read the words, “Decree of Divorce” across the top of one page before the door finally opened enough to let her in.

Becky stood on her bed, her body plastered against the wall, her little mouth drawn up into a terrified O.

“Becky!”

Becky shook her head hard, and her dark curls flew out around her face. Something dealt Marilyn a sharp blow to the head. She staggered to one side and saw a paperweight hovering a few feet above the ground. She batted it down. She forced the door in a little further, bringing in dim light from the hall. A sea of objects skittered away from that illumination. But half the room was still dark, and the door wouldn’t budge another centimeter.

Becky pointed at the floor, where an army of paperclips struggled against a seething tide of sticky notes. “Beck!” The paperweight flew up and hit her again, and Becky clamped her hands over her own mouth. My voice. It’s responding to my voice.

Marilyn tried to walk to her daughter, but something caught her ankles, entangling her. She couldn’t see it. She jerked her foot free and hopped backwards, then stood breathing. She seized the door again as it started to close on its own. She put a hand to her own mouth, to show her daughter she understood. Where did all of it come from? The sewage in the bathroom, this mess? It’s not mine. None of it mine.

Becky was pointing down again, and now, when Marilyn followed the line of the child’s finger, she saw the thing in the middle, under the heaps of clutter. It was almost transparent, visible more because of the paper and binder clips undulating around it than because of anything of its own. It held the shape of a human body, then it split apart into two bodies, and then melded together again into one. Through its rapid changes, only one thing remained steady. It was reaching with an invisible arm for the place where she had just been standing.

Marilyn backed rapidly out of the room, holding the door open with one arm. This, then, was the thing Becky had seen under her bed, the thing that had vanished in the flashlight’s glare. It couldn’t see, but it could feel and hear. It would grab her if she advanced, and it would hit her if she spoke, but it couldn’t chase her into the light.

She cursed the age of the house that left Beck’s room without an overhead light and swore that the dresser would go right beside the bed so Becky could always get to one from now on. In the meantime, she pantomimed to Becky, an elaborate charade of turning on and aiming a flashlight. But Becky shook her head and pointed again. The flashlight was down in the tangle on the floor.

The paper that had swept by her on the way in caught Marilyn’s eye again. Decree of Divorce. She saw more of it this time. It didn’t say her own name and her ex husband’s. No, it listed the names of the home’s former owners, Lou and Adrian Sturmmond, and in a flash, Marilyn understood. She was fighting the remnants of their vitriolic anger. Had been fighting it since she moved in a week ago without knowing what she struggled against. She had met the wife at the closing. They had exchanged banalities about divorce and its unpleasantness, but Marilyn now thought her own experience must have been tame by comparison. The woman’s statement, “Everything he should have put into our relationship went to his work,” seemed to support the cascading paperwork. Marilyn spared a thought to wonder who refused to plunge the toilet to make it a septic nightmare.

She shook off the understanding to think about her own situation instead. Marilyn gave Becky a thumbs up and a “wait a minute” index finger. She kicked the door hard and yelled, “Hey! Have I got your attention?” She hoped so. She backed down the hall to the light switch, talking all the while. “Becky, as soon as it’s gone, turn on your lamp and shut your door fast.” Then she flipped the hall switch and roared, “I’ m out here you sonofabitch, come and get me.

It happened too fast. One instant, the hall was empty, and the next, a wall of detritus surged towards her. She had intended to wait until the last moment, when it was all out of Becky’s room, and flip the light on and kill it. But now she saw she had miscalculated. There was too much of it. She turned and fled into her own bedroom, splashing instantly into the shit river, which didn’t seem perturbed by light from any source.

The moving wall stopped, quivering just outside the door. It didn’t come forward, but it didn’t shift away from the light, either. At the other end of the hall, she heard a thump and a click.

“Are you OK, baby?” At the sound of her voice, the paperweight flew into the room and fell at once to the floor when she dodged, harmless.

“I’m scared!”

“But you’re OK. You got the door shut. You got the light on.”

“Mama, I’m so scared.”

“Me, too honey. Wait for me. Leave your light on and wait for me.”

Marilyn walked through the sludge to the bed. She climbed up, barely caring about her rank brown footprints. She unlocked her window and opened it, then stepped out onto the roof. Slowly, because the shingles were prickly and her feet were slippery, she walked around to Becky’s side.

She knocked.

Becky screamed.

“It’s me, honey. Open up.” Becky climbed up onto the bed. The girl forced the window lock open with some difficulty, and then shoved up with all her might. The window edged up only a a few inches, far enough for Marilyn to get her fingers underneath, as well. When she reached out to help, she realized she was still clutching her cell phone.

“Hang on,” she told Becky, with an eye to the closed door behind her daughter. As long as the light was on, she thought it was safe, but how long until the paperwork slithered downstairs and found the circuit breaker box in the basement? Quickly, she dialed 9-1-1. But when the operator came on, she didn’t know what to say. My toilet’s exploding and the ghosts of office supplies past are haunting my hall, please help. So she said, “Fourteen hundred Magnolia Avenue,” then set the phone aside and let the operator talk. They would come. They would find her now, probably could have found her from the cell signal, but she didn’t want to wait that long.

She said, “Let’s stay calm,” very loudly before she reached for the underside of the window. Becky nodded and swallowed, then added her hands to her mother’s. Together, they gripped and heaved. “Good girl,” said Marilyn, as the wood screeched up a little more. “One more time.”  They wrenched again, and this time the opening was big enough for Becky to crawl through.

Marilyn drew her daughter in tight as sirens began to wail in the distance. “Good girl,” she whispered again into Becky’s hair. She hoped it was the fire department. She hoped they were coming to her house. She hoped they drove fast. Because she heard another sound, as well, a shushing whisper that told her they might well have to jump if rescue didn’t come quickly.

_________________________

For the Scriptic prompt exchange this week, Michael gave me this prompt: The things you should have given to the relationship, you give to the work. -Billy Joel.

I gave SAM this prompt: Down where the loss cuts worst.

The Ballad of Adrian and Lou

“You’re a goddamned attention whore.”

Lou flinched to one side as a paperweight thocked into the wall by her head. “You’re drunk, Adrian.”  She bent down to unbuckle her shoes in the bedroom’s semi-dark. She forced her hands not to shake. When had it gotten so bad?

“What the hell were you thinking?” She heard another whack in the place where her head had been. Something bounced onto the carpet.

“I was dancing.”  Lou pulled off the shoe. She reached for the other buckle. There was no quick escape from this pair; the vinyl was warped and stubborn. There was no quick escape from this room; Adrian stood between her and the door.

“Hey, Mattel’s on the phone, Barbie wants her fucking miniskirt back.”  He still didn’t seem to realize Lou had bent over, because the cell phone, like the objects before it, thumped into the wall and fell without coming near her scalp.

The other shoe came off, and Lou picked both heels up in one hand and his phone in the other. She needed the bull to charge.  “I could have been dancing with you. If you check your messages, you’ll see I called.” She lobbed the phone back.

“How the hell do you think I knew where to find you. I came straight from work. You were taking in that room like a hustler. A goddamned hustler.” This time, Lou couldn’t tell what he hurled at her, only that it swished within centimeters of her ear.

She reckoned she had two shots. She hoped she would only need one. She hefted one high heel and whispered a prayer to the God of women’s softball before she let it fly. Bang. It connected with Adrian’s forehead at the same time as something else struck the wall behind her.

Adrian launched across the room, and Lou dodged clear. “I want a divorce,” she yelled. She bolted into the hall, then down the stairs and out into the street, free at last.

________________________________________________________________________

We’re all a bunch of venal whores at Trifecta this week. Or we’re writing about them anyway…

Oh. And there’s a part 2 featuring the same bedroom and paperweight, but new characters. Coming later tonight to a blog near you…

 

Somehow, I have reached number 2 over at America’s Next Author. Thank you with all my heart to everyone who has voted for me, tweeted my link, or liked it on facebook. Please keep it up, because I have to stay popular until November 27. http://www.ebookmall.com/author/jester-queen

Nevermore

This morning, my children are safe and in school. But before I dropped them off, I read about four children who have died. One death was buffered by time, another was agonizingly fresh, and two more happened on a preschool bus in Carollton, Kentucky. These losses rattled me, not because they were mine, but because in my bipolar brain, there is only a short walk between the things I fear and the things that others live.

Each loss calls to mind another. I think about my best friend’s little sister, who died at fifteen, and I remember a student of mine whose son narrowly escaped drowning. The Carollton crash reminds me of the 1988 bus wreck that killed high schoolers from that same little town. And I hurt for the mothers and fathers who are sleeping tonight with empty beds in their houses, empty rooms in their hearts.

As deeply as I want my grief for these strangers to be pure, I know at heart, I’m being selfish.  When I hear of their children’s deaths, I look at my own family. Child loss seems to run down my mother’s side. My uncle died at age 21 in 1974. My sister died in 2008. She was 26, but mental illness and addiction destroyed her years before her death. Both of them were younger siblings. It doesn’t matter that they both died as adults. (Age is never the issue.) I cannot look at Sam without seeing their ghosts.

I feel compelled to write, as if somehow by speaking my terror I can keep it from coming to life.  I want those children back alive. I want my own children to remain safe. Those emotions are caught up together in the haunted city of my mind.

Death is beyond our control. But when children die, it is precisely control I crave.

And pure or selfish, my empathy is real. When I read about those children’s deaths, I felt a protective surge, not just for my own family, but for the suffering parents. I understand, I do, that immortality is a myth, and that youth is no protection against the world’s worst horrors. Children die as soldiers in war torn nations, they die of starvation by the side of the road, and they die of disease and from accident. They die in crashes and from drowning. They die loved; they die loveless. They die in New York apartments and the streets of India. When adults die and I know their parents, they instantly become children again in my mind. And their losses sear me as if they were my own.

I wish my words could bring them comfort, but I’m not so naïve. Death has taken away precious parts of them and I can’t make it better. Nonetheless, I will say here what I have said elsewhere, the only words that really can be spoken in such circumstances. I am so sad. I am so sorry. My heart aches for any parent who has lost a child.

Studio 30 Plus is looking for Poe posts with the theme of Nevermore.

Dancer

The ballet culminates in the lieutenant general’s return to his family. Before he goes, he touches his son’s face in wonder, and when he saves himself and returns, he hoists the child up on one shoulder.

My son plays that child.

Dressed in a white button-down shirt and khaki shorts, he wears an expression of solemn focus for the ballet’s duration. I have seen him do it five times now, two dress rehearsals and three productions. The last show, the one in a company studio in Mississippi, was the only one I could control my weeping enough to get pictures.

 

Any week I can play with Leeroy can’t be ALL bad, and since he let me pick this week’s song, ZZ Topp’s sharp dressed man, I have to say I am tickled pink. It fits the theme exactly

 

 

Seasonal Reflections

Scott drove the knife down, and Caroline wailed, “OW!”

“It’s a pumpkin. It can’t feel a thing.”

“I still think it hurts.” She glowered at him while he finished cutting out the lid. He reminded me of my grandfather, measuring out from the stem as he carved.

On the other side of the patio, I was still jabbing around the pattern on Sam’s pumpkin, and Sam himself was standing on a swing shouting, “I hit an iceberg. The Titanic is sinking and we haven’t got enough lifeboats!”

I said, “Chewie, go save Sam.” But the dog rammed his nose into my armpit, far more interested in the possibility of pumpkin treats than in saving his kid.

Scott scraped out the first pumpkin’s guts without comment. Then, he handed Caroline a small knife.  “Here, you do it. Just saw back and forth.”

Slowly, Caroline took the handle and began whittling around the eye she had poked into the flesh a few minutes prior.

I started in on the other pumpkin’s guts, my arms blossoming mottled red, just like Poppa’s used to when he carved with us in his living room.  Scott said, “I didn’t know you were allergic to pumpkin.”

“Well, raw pumpkin anyway. Poppa couldn’t have it raw or cooked. I’m still OK with pumkin pie.” I schlocked the last of the seeds and stringy innards onto the pile of newspaper.

Caroline announced,  “I’m done.”

“Caroline, you’ve  only done three ticks.” She’d only sawed through three of the poker holes, he meant.

“But this pumpkin’s heavy.”

“Look, here’s how you do it.” Scott moved the pumpkin out of her lap and put his hand over hers, guiding the motion.

“Oh. That’s not so bad.”

Sam materialized beside the dog. “The Titanic is down,” he reported. “She has sunk beneath the icy waters forever.” He paused. “Can I help?”

I gave him both fleshy orange lids and the plastic poker. “Make me a dot-to-dot square right there.” I pointed to a place I had already outlined in pencil.  While he worked,  I hacked his ghost into being with a smaller, sharper pumpkin saw.

A few minutes later, Scott took over for Caroline to get a tight part, but then he handed the job back to her once he had rounded the corner. I finished carving the ghost without once breaking through the back wall, so I scraped away on the inside, thinning until the ghost began to wobble.

Caroline said, “I’m stuck again.” She was still on the first eye.

“Here, watch this.” Scott brought out a motorized saw and pushed the button for a dramatic braap of sound. He jabbed the pumpkin. The saw stopped. “Oh. Nevermind.”

“I guess the blade’s dull.” I snagged the poker, stuck it into a ghostly eye socket, and twisted.

“Did you ever replace it replace it at the end o f last year?” He studied the implement.

“Um.”

“Nevermind. Don’t answer that. Caroline, we’ll just continue the old fashioned way.”

Sam finished outlining the chimneys. I told him, “Go throw the ball for Chewie.”

But he said, “The Titanic just came back up,” and headed back to the swing set, leaving me with the nosy dog. I popped the ghost’s outline free.  “Do you want me to finish yours?” I reached for the other pumpkin.

Caroline said, “That’s OK, Mom. I’m doing fine all by myself.” And indeed she was, still patiently sawing on that first eye while Scott shook the electric saw as if that might somehow sharpen the blade.


 

Sonic goes to pieces

“If Sonic keeps hitting, he’ll have to sit with me.”

“No!” The hedgehog took another swipe at Caroline.

“Sonic, we need to talk about control.” I plucked the toy out of Sam’s arms and hugged it close. Sam roared and leapt, trying to steal it back.

Scott offered, “At least he’s quit hitting.”

“This weekend was incredible. He had to come down sometime.” Sam held up one hand but didn’t jump again.

“Did he have to crash?”

“That’s the real question, isn’t it?” I returned Sonic and waited to see if Sam would continue using his toy as a weapon.

______________________________________________________

I have missed Leeroy, Lance’s robot assistant over at the 100 Word Song. And this is the perfect teaser for what’s coming tomorrow when I tell you about our summer vacation weekend. This week’s song is Faith No More’s Falling to Pieces, and oh it fits my sweet Sam these last couple of days.

On What Saved Jeanine

On what saved Jeanine

In the last three weeks, I have posted two linked stories that deserve a bit of backstory:

http://jesterqueen.com/2012/10/01/on-the-cutting-room-floor/

http://jesterqueen.com/2012/10/18/on-my-honor/

First, you should know that I’m a contrasting sort of girl. If the story is bleak, odds are I’m giggling and clapping at my own cleverness while I type. If it’s heartwarming, I’m sniffling self-sorrow and rolling my eyes in disgust. If it’s cheerful, then you can bet something AWFUL is going on in my life. My neutral and my stories’ neutral are about the only emotional matches.

Second, let me be clear. I have never been suicidal. Bi-polar comes to me as rage. I loved Hulk in The Avengers, because his secret was that he was always angry. Yeah. That’s me. I mean, I’m not always ready to punch people and rip apart buildings. But it’s always simmering along, though when I’m good and medicated, I can feel it rather than living it. (Note – I’m good and medicated and plan to stay that way for the rest of forever.)

Third, and now we get to the point, I nonetheless know a lot about suicide. I researched it like a fucking project when I was a teen, because of the way mental illness runs in my family. I needed to know. And it’s proved to be very useful to me as a writer, this knowledge.

For example, Jeanine.

In the first story, Jeanine slit her wrists. I did extra wrist slitting research just especially for her.

I could have reasonably gone a number of different directions following her up. I could have let her die and then followed Kallum’s reaction. I could have let Kallum come back and find her in the Nick Of Time and had a rapidquick salvation sequence. I could have let Kallum find her at the last second (but too late) and had a heartwrenching attempt-to-save-her-scene.  Any of those would have worked with last week’s Death from Trifecta. Kallum or Jeanine either one could have Talked to The Reaper.

I opted for none of them. Killing Jeanine would have been tons of fun. But all of those scenarios smacked of melodrama. I am not a big fan of melodrama. It’s kind of like heartwarming. It goes for the cheap shot. When my kids are the topic, I often have to settle for the cheap shot ,because I seem incapable of presenting something good without that annoying emotional string attached. But when I’m writing fiction, I have a lot more options about presentation, and I like to play with all of them. Sometimes I do melodrama. Sometimes a story requires it.

But more often, a story requires subtlety. And Kallum and Jeanine’s story felt like it was one of undercurrents. By shifting away from Kallum and Jeanine for the next scene, I was able to give the piece darker, more bleak overtones. And ‘bleak’ is one of my favorite modes. Now, we have a third sister (and we’ve confirmed Tina and Jeanine are sisters anyway), sitting around ignoring the phone, dressed in black. And she’s supposed to be a mental health coach.

Also, assuming that Lucia IS mentally sound, Jeanine is NOT. She may be getting off the ward, but she’s not in any way ready to live unsupervised. And, realistically, how long can her sister walk away from her own life? How long can Kallum stay home from work? It would help if Jeanine had a job, but I get the feeling she doesn’t. (They may sign her up for one after this.) Essentially, once Jeanine is dead, so is the story. If she lives awhile longer, then everyone can suffer more. YAY, WHEE!!!

But if she is going to live, it has to be plausible.

However, it’s perfectly plausible for her to survive slitting her wrists. For one thing, most people do not slit their wrists right. (Um. Yeah. I’m leaving that sentence for humorous posterity.) They saw away horizontally at the wrong part of the arm and never hit the artery, or they realize the cut needs to be vertical, but they make it too shallow because it hurts or on the wrong part of the arm because that artery is small. Then, the blood clots around the spurts. So it’s safe to assume Jeanine had to spend some time hacking away on herself figuring out what to do, with that knife getting more slippery and her arms getting more sore all the while.

Then, even when somebody does slit them right, it’s usually not perfect. Until the cut is a goring gash, the body is going to try to clot. And the would-be suicide gets lightheaded and may very well pass out only to wake up with scabbed over arms half an hour later, and also pruned up skin that has been sitting in its melodramatic little tub for too long.

Finally,  it takes about half an hour to bleed to death from the wrists. And it isn’t all tragic and magical, they’re in pain that whole time, because of the nerve endings in the way, and because they have to slice deep. When they pass out, it’s not necessarily from blood loss, and they may very well try to save themselves because it hurts more than they expected.

So as long as the yard was small enough, and Jeanine just underinformed enough,  Kallum could have come back in to find the bathroom flooded and running into the kitchen, and Jeanine listless and half gone and still gotten her help. But that scene would have been melodramatic. Possibly, I’ll go back and write it anyway, now that I know I have a way to pull back from that intensity level afterward. More likely, I’m through writing about this couple, but I’ve gained a couple of new techniques from the process. And that, my friends, is one of the most important reasons I put fiction on my blog.

 

On my Honor

The telephone rang. Four jangles, then it stopped. For a minute, the room was quiet, then the phone buzzed again. Lucia heard it plainly. But she did not disturb her black shirt or lift her black jeans from the seat. Black, she sat still.  When the machine again went silent, another caller kicked to voicemail, Lucia turned her head to watch the front door.

She held her sisters in her hands, Jeanine in the left, Tina in the right.

Jeanine, nine, saluted. Above her green Girl Scout uniform, her arm lay bare in the glare of too bright sun. Tina wore a bikini and held a beer. Her exposed wrist flesh seemed far more vulgar to Lucia than the way her breasts threatened to explode out of the stringy top.

Lucia brought the pictures together and took them apart again. She put Tina on top and touched her slick mouth. Then she reversed them, Jeanine above, Tina below. She tapped the forehead Jeanine was using for her salute. She looked back at the door.

Three quick raps against the steel, and Lucia stood. She put her sisters on her coffee table, then picked Jeanine up again, leaving Tina alone with her beer in photographic forever. Lucia collected her suitcase and let herself out. In the empty house, the phone rang to life once more.

Her brother-in-law took her bag. “Are you ready to bring her home?” She followed Kallum down the walk to his waiting car.

He shrugged. “I don’t know what to do if it happens again.”

“You’ll have me. Between the two of us, she won’t ever be alone. Not even in the bathroom. Especially not in the bathroom. It won’t happen again.”

They got in the car, and Lucia rested Jeanine’s picture on the center console. Kallum touched his wife’s forehead, just as Lucia had touched it earlier. He turned the ignition, then the wheel. They drove together towards the life they already held stretched between them.

__________________________________________________________

We’re painting those red doors BLACK this week at Trifecta

For the Scriptic prompt exchange this week, Laura gave me this prompt: I wanted my life to start – but in those rare moments when it seemed like something might actually change, panic shot through me.’ –Curtis Sittenfeld.

I gave Michael this prompt: Cold air blew in from the front of the house, and I knew before I went into the kitchen that the door had been open all night.

 

 

Memories Captured October: The Fair

Memories captured with Galit Breen from These Little Waves, Alison from Writing, Wishing, and Tracey from Sellabit Mum

SITS Day

Happy SITS day to me

Happy SITS day to me…

Ahem. Today is a happy dance day for me. But I need to start on a sad note. Our ninety year old neighbor has died. I came across his daughter-in-law cleaning out his house today. She said he went peacefully in his sleep. I was saddened by his death, but I was also so very glad that he was surrounded by family on the day it happened. He got up for breakfast, spoke briefly with everyone, went back to bed, and just never got up again. I’m glad I got to know him, if only very briefly.

Now, on to the truly happy stuff. It’s my day to be the featured writer over with The SITS Girls. Brief primer for the uninitiated. The SITS Girls are (is? are? Madame Syntax is in a quandry) a community of 40,000 women bloggers supporting each other. And the original SITSTAHS, Francesca and Tiffany (who also run Bloggy Boot Camp) are willing to feature YOU, as long as you are willing to be patient and support other bloggers while you wait. I was mostly patient. Missy at the Literal Mom did have to talk me down off one ledge. But we shall speak not of such things. (Ahem. Patience is not my strong suit.)

For those visiting for the first time, welcome. For those who have been coming here for a long time, thank you. This is a humor blog with a literary twist. Or possibly a literary blog with a humorous twist and some sappy wholesome stuff in between the swear words. Most of all, Jester Queen is a growing blog, and I am grateful for every single visitor. Because I blog, I’ve made real friends without meeting them in person. (Though I just met a few at the Aiming Low Nonconference!) I’ve found unexpected wells of wisdom and support. And I’ve had some awesome and revealing conversations in blog comments. I’ll paraphrase another favorite writer’s phrase here. Andra Watkins says of all the places on the internet that you could choose, you have come here, and I am so grateful.

A little bit about me. I just celebrated my eleventh anniversary with Scott, the love of my life. My kids, Caroline and Sam, both have Asperger’s syndrome. For Caroline, the early manifestations included gross motor dyspraxia and echolalia. For Sam,anger issues and impulsive behaviors have been the chief symptoms. To answer a couple of common questions, my children are fully vaccinated, and the vaccines didn’t cause their autism. It is genetic. They don’t have any real dietary needs, though they are both picky eaters, so I have to work to smuggle them the nutrients they need. Finally, I don’t think they need curing. Therapy to help overcome obstacles? Oh yes. But if Caroline did not have Asperger’s syndrome, she would not have this incredible well of empathy. (Although some people with Asperger’s struggle to empathize, autism comes to each person a little differently, and it is a stereotype to think that everyone with Asperger’s can’t relate to others.) Sam would not have the extraordinary focus that allows him to dance so well. I do not want to discount the struggles of parents whose children are dealing with profound autism. But so often, those are the only stories others hear. My kids’ experience has been vastly different.

And I don’t come without my own quirks. I have bipolar syndrome. I channel a lot of my mania into my fiction writing and in my editorials over at Sprocket Ink. My novel Divorce: A Love Story was published by a micropress called Throwaway Lines. Right now, it’s in e-book format, but my editor says we hope to have a paperback available by fall. (Maybe late fall.) You can find it for $2.99 on Amazon.com or at Barnes and Noble.com. (And even if you don’t have an e-reader, you can use a Nook or Kindle for your computer.) But I don’t believe my bipolar causes my creativity. Rather, it hinders it. When I am cycling (this has nothing to do with bicycles, it has to do with mood swings), I lose my ability to write. I do have a day job, teaching college English online. But I don’t blog about it. Ever. Too much of the funny stuff would violate student privacy. Too much of the grumpy stuff would get me fired. And too much of the happy stuff would be so academic and esoteric that it would bore the pants off of any rational blogger.

I’m loud, profane, and since last year, I’ve lost forty pounds, bringing me down to 183, with an end goal of something like 150. I’m overjoyed to be featured on SITS today, and I thank you for reading my little ramble. I have one last favor to ask. Two of my writing buddies, Lance Burson and Cameron D. Garriepy, have composed pieces for the America’s Next Author competition. If you could take a few minutes out of your day to read and vote for them (on the right side of the pages I linked to, where it says Authorname’s story is…) , it would mean so very much to me. They are extremely talented, and I would love for either of them to win.

Thanks again for visiting! I look forward to being bloggy-friends.